Warped sense of humor

[blackwidowp61]

An Iraqi flying a Mirage F1 came upon a US EF-111A Raven at low level, and pursued it. Now, the Mirage is a reasonably decent aircraft at low level, but the EF-111A is something else. It's an unarmed electronic warfare version of the F-111 Aardvark, and has terrain following radar, which enables it to fly at Mach 1 or more, 60 metres above the ground (that's about 0.4 seconds away from the ground), while the pilot watches the view. It's one of the fastest aircraft in the world at low level. Maybe this Iraqi didn't know anything about the F-111, but he decided that it looked like an easy target, and pursued it at very low level.

The EF-111 crew were credited with a kill when the Iraqi (not surprisingly) slammed into the ground. There can't be too many occasions when an unarmed aircraft scores a kill.

 

[PatMiles]

Ehh, maybe not the current Pope.

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

The Candy With The Little Hole
You have to love little kids.


The teacher handed out candy from the package. The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red....................Cherry
Yellow................Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange ..............Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, "I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, "Oh my God! Spit it out !!! They're ass-holes!"
The teacher had to leave the room.

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

A young woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs . . . a green spot on the inside of each. "They won't wash off, they won't scrape off and they seem to be getting worse." The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back. A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots. The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy. There's no problem. But, I'm wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?" The woman pauses a moment and replies, "Why, yes, he is. W

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

Guess I am going to Hell for this one.

MORNING COFFEE
Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square .
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him
'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and say
'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies,
I have a daughter,

SLIM & TALL
40 D Breasts
24" WAIST and
34" HIPS
When she walks into a room, people say,

“ JESUS"

 

[Gina1]

View attachment 1132295

Ehh, maybe not the current Pope.

You know with all the anti- democratic jokes, it's time for a few Trump jokes.

Donald Trump is flying over New York City.

He looks out of the window and says to his family, "You know what, I'm gonna throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy!"

His son looks at him and says, "Dad, why don't you throw two hundred $5 bills out of the window? Then you can make two hundred people happy."

Donald says, "Son, that's a great idea!"

His wife turns to him and says, "Donald, why not throw one thousand $1 bills out the window? You could make one thousand people happy!"

Donald looks at her and says, "Babe, that is a fantastic idea! The best I've heard!"

The pilot turns and looks at Trump and says, "As long as you're at it, why don't you throw yourself out of the window and make millions of people happy

 

[Pwc]

Way I heard it, he throws AOC or Pelosi out....

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

93.7 B-93
· June 12, 2018 ·

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.
As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.
Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?'
'Cooter's wife gave it to me,' Ronnie replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?'

'Well, not exactly', Donnie says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Cooter's widow."

She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'

Then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'

Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff.

 

[Gina1]

Donald Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "Donald Trump sucks!" written in urine across the snow.

Well, he's pretty annoyed about this so he storms into his security staff's headquarters, and yells, "Somebody wrote an insult in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Whoever did it had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!"

The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor.

Trump hollers, "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and find out who did it! I want an answer, and I want it tonight!"

The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits.

Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says, "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?"

Trump says, "Give me the bad news first."

The officer says, "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Mike Pence’s urine."

Trump says, "Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed! My own vice president! Damn. ...Well, what’s the really bad news?"

The officer replies, "Well Mr. President, it's Melania's handwriting."

 

[Gina1]

Way I heard it, he throws AOC or Pelosi out....

Fake news

 

[PatMiles]

 

[blackwidowp61]

Man, DOC sure knows how to throw a party!

 

[blackwidowp61]

We heard Gina1 is going to show up with a joke for us dogs!

 

[blackwidowp61]

I saw earlier where Calvin took a bath in one of these, so...how do you get the spin cycle?

 

[ShootDots]

We heard Gina1 is going to show up with a joke for us dogs!

It is my understanding that we are all a "basket of deplorables"? I am very glad to wear that description as a badge of honor!

 

[GotRDid]

Airman Jones is at the maintenance duty desk when the phone rings: "Airman, can you tell me the status of tail number 1203?" the voice on the other end asked.

"Well, sir, the #1 engine is due inspection, and the UHF radio needs to be swapped, but fat-ass Johnson won't sign the

I will plead the Fifth on a similar incident where I sent a Cadet to the LT's office to get a "brass magnet". This person was a hindrance to the smooth progress of getting these raw Officers through their qualifications for Firearms Training.
I was grateful that the Cadet did not rat me out; and worked with him to get him up to speed on my lunch hours throughout the rest of those 2 weeks of the cycle.
GotRDid.

 

[blackwidowp61]