Warped sense of humor
- Thread starter Ringostar
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My brother, who was a Marine in radio relay, once sent a rookie off to the parts shop for a fallopian tube.
KMart
Gold $$ Contributor
Here is one for Blackwidow.
A fellow walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a Chief Master Sergeant from the local Air Force Base walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'd like a line-service monkey please."
The clerk nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it to the Chief, "That'll be $1,000.00" The Chief paid and left with the monkey.
Surprised, the fellow went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them here are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that was a line-service monkey. He can park, fuel, and service all Air Force aircraft, conduct all required ground ops testing, rig aircraft flight controls and all with zero mistakes. He's well worth the money."
With his interest peaked, the fellow looked around and spotted a monkey in another cage with a $10,000.00 price tag. "That one's really expensive! What can it do?"
"Oh, that one is a maintenance supervisor monkey. He can instruct at all levels of aircraft maintenance, supervise all corrective and preventive maintenance programs, supervise a crew of maintainers and even do most of the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.
The guy looked around a little more and found another monkey in a cage at the back of the store. The price tag read, $50,000.00. "Holy cow! What does this one do?"
"Well, the shopkeeper said, I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer, flirt with the girl monkeys and play with his pecker, but his papers say he's a pilot."
A fellow walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a Chief Master Sergeant from the local Air Force Base walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'd like a line-service monkey please."
The clerk nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it to the Chief, "That'll be $1,000.00" The Chief paid and left with the monkey.
Surprised, the fellow went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them here are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that was a line-service monkey. He can park, fuel, and service all Air Force aircraft, conduct all required ground ops testing, rig aircraft flight controls and all with zero mistakes. He's well worth the money."
With his interest peaked, the fellow looked around and spotted a monkey in another cage with a $10,000.00 price tag. "That one's really expensive! What can it do?"
"Oh, that one is a maintenance supervisor monkey. He can instruct at all levels of aircraft maintenance, supervise all corrective and preventive maintenance programs, supervise a crew of maintainers and even do most of the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.
The guy looked around a little more and found another monkey in a cage at the back of the store. The price tag read, $50,000.00. "Holy cow! What does this one do?"
"Well, the shopkeeper said, I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer, flirt with the girl monkeys and play with his pecker, but his papers say he's a pilot."
We would send engineering students, working as interns on our race team, out in the paddock to other team's compounds to get various tools/parts. My favorite was watching this green intern, from Texas A&M
, on a search throughout the paddock at Sebring looking to borrow a metric crescent wrench. At Mosport it was muffler bearings.
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KMart
Gold $$ Contributor
We would send engineering students, working as interns on our race team, out in the paddock to other teams compounds to get various tools/parts. My favorite was watching this green intern, from Texas A&M
You got to love those Aggies. They are pretty good sports when it comes to all the ribbing they take.
rwj
Gold $$ Contributor
We would send engineering students, working as interns on our race team, out in the paddock to other teams compounds to get various tools/parts. My favorite was watching this green intern, from Texas A&M
Yup... big difference between the academic and real world! I’ve encountered more than a few “text book” engineers that were lost in a “hands on” environment. Hopefully, their intern experiences taught them which one to pursue...
You are kidding, right? She stands and votes 180 degrees away from my beliefs. Brilliant, yes she is. A good lawyer, of course she is. Anti 2nd amendment, 100%. I could go on and on but what's the use. This thread is about fun, and political jokes can be funny even if you don't agree with a persons political stance. 
WARNING! SCAM ALERT! Be on the lookout for this girl and her friend. They are hanging out around the meijer and Wal-Mart parking lots. When you are putting your groceries away they ask you for a ride to McDonald's.They are very convincing and very hot! Once in your car this one takes her clothes off and starts climbing all over you,while she keeps you busy, the other one takes your wallet.I've had mine taken on the 7th,8th, 10th and twice yesterday.probably two more times tomorrow. Wal-Mart has wallets for $2.99,but I found some at the dollar store for .99¢ so I bought all they had. These two harlots not only take your wallet, but you never even make it to McDonald's so I've already lost 11lbs.keep a lookout for them ( I find lunch time and around 5:30 the best times)
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
pirate ammo
Guaranteed to take the wind out of their sails
Considering that here in Bastrop,Tx McDonalds is only 1 block from Walmart you should be able to go for 4.
GotRDid
Gold $$ Contributor
Down in Pearland, there's a McDonalds INSIDE the Walmart. These grifters wouldn't be working there. I'll try a different one...
You know.. I would like to keep this thread for just jokes and humor. I've gotten some really great jokes from it. Some really good laughs.
Posting anti-democratic party pictures or cartoons is not funny to some people.
I'm sure the following cartoon to a lot of you, is not funny.
Lets keep the humor but drop the politics
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Lone Hunter
Silver $$ Contributor
I don't understand people. If you don't like something don't look at it. I enjoy this thread very much. My wife does also. If it offends you please don't look at it. Gina, I pointing this response to you. I'm not trying to be a smart Alec in my response but every time someone gets butt hurt or don't like something they make threats I'll get it shut down because I don't like it. I'm very tired of the It Offends Me Response. If you don't like it put this thread on IGNORE. Don't make it miserable on every one else.
In the top right of this thread is a box that says "Thread Tools" Click on it and a drop down box will appear,click "IGNORE THREAD" and you will not have to be offended any more. Thank You for your time....
In the top right of this thread is a box that says "Thread Tools" Click on it and a drop down box will appear,click "IGNORE THREAD" and you will not have to be offended any more. Thank You for your time....
You know.. I would like to keep this thread for just jokes and humor. I've gotten some really great jokes from it. Some really good laughs.
Posting anti-democratic party pictures or cartoons is not funny to some people.
I'm sure the following cartoon to a lot of you, is not funny.
Lets keep the humor but drop the politics
How bout if we make fun of the individual people and leave the party out of it? Most of the radical 'left' just can't help making bozos of themselves, and it's just about impossible NOT to make fun of them. If they weren't politicians, they'd make up about half of the jokes posted. I'll bet even you are howling with laughter (or in horror) about some of the stuff that comes out of them. For the participants of this thread who's feelings get bruised from a joke, I for one can't understand why. If I saw a joke that somebody posted about a 320 pound fat white guy who was balding, diabetic, bleeding all over because he takes blood thinners and whos children won't have anything to do with him because he won't give up his guns like they want, I'd either hit the 'like' button or move on, even if they were making fun of me personally. It just isn't that important in the long run, unless it was about something that I was ashamed of in the first place. Then it might sting.
I'm going to go play with my beagle now. BEAGLES ROCK!
But hurt? Lol
Helll I'm still waiting for you guys to bust out the "your mama" jokes.
Should I lead off?
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