joshb
Gold $$ Contributor
Better than that fishnet getup she had on a few pages ago!
Warped sense of humor
- Thread starter Ringostar
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Better than that fishnet getup she had on a few pages ago!
Even his mistakes are skillful.
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers.
So, I did. She's 21 and her name's Lucy.
She is a strong willed femanazi that does not need no patronizing male designed door to open for her. Or she is blond.
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife
is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!
is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!
My wife has been missing a week now.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I went down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I went down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod
after realizing that "i-Touch Kids" is not a good product name.
after realizing that "i-Touch Kids" is not a good product name.
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked
if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan .
I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.
if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan .
I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.
A friend of mine just had some strobe lights fitted into his bedroom.
He says the sex is the same, but his wife looks like she’s moving!
He says the sex is the same, but his wife looks like she’s moving!
I went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring, burping, and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!
The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
My wife sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!"..... As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds, 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you, too.'
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds, 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you, too.'
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.”
I yelled, "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Couple of minutes ago."
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.”
I yelled, "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Couple of minutes ago."
Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping "Washington" from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as "The Redskins."
It was reported that he finds the word 'Washington' imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheating, lying, and graft, and is not a fitting role-model for young fans of football.
It was reported that he finds the word 'Washington' imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheating, lying, and graft, and is not a fitting role-model for young fans of football.
I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while standing at the bar last night.
One of the guys says to his buddy: "Man you look tired."
His buddy says: "Dude I'm wore out and exhausted. All my girlfriend wants to do is have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."
A fellow about my age (75+), sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.
He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says "Marry her. That will put a stop to that shit."
One of the guys says to his buddy: "Man you look tired."
His buddy says: "Dude I'm wore out and exhausted. All my girlfriend wants to do is have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."
A fellow about my age (75+), sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.
He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says "Marry her. That will put a stop to that shit."
This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
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