Spoiler alert...
Warped sense of humor
- Thread starter Ringostar
- Start date
- Status
Major case of scope-eye in 3...2...1...
Cat's got your waddle down pat DOC.
GotRDid
Gold $$ Contributor
I think only a small percentage of our population has been following from the start.
Its long enough to nearly finish a six pack now.
GotRDid.
USMCDOC
Silver $$ Contributor
A Husband Whispers in his Wife’s Ear at the Bar
“Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the bar where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.”
Yes, she says, “I remember it oh so well!”
OK, he says, “Let’s go there again, and we can do it for old time’s sake?”
“Oh Marvin, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
“Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”
“Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the bar where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.”
Yes, she says, “I remember it oh so well!”
OK, he says, “Let’s go there again, and we can do it for old time’s sake?”
“Oh Marvin, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
“Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”
Deleted outa08
Along that line of thought. I was patrolling a power line one night that ran along a fence line and stopped to take a leak.Full stream contact with the top strand of fence that was electric. Man can you move fast when you have too! My partner was sitting in our truck about a quarter mile away and said I screamed so loud he was sure I was attacked by a bear. No permanent damage,but learned a valuable lesson; always check the background before you pull the trigger. I gotta go rub some salve on the little troublemaker now.
USMCDOC
Silver $$ Contributor
what's that address?
USMCDOC
Silver $$ Contributor
Is that Va?
An elderly couple are at the doctors office for the husbands routine visit. The doctor says " I need a blood sample , a urine sample and a stool sample" The old man, hard of hearing says " what ?" The doctor repeats himself louder" I need a blood sample , a urine sample and a stool sample" Again the old man says "what" The wife, annoyingly looks at her husband and says "give him your underwear"
Can anyone from Arizona confirm this?
While laying in bed with my wife last night, she
asked me what I’d like to do to her body; ”Identify
it” apparently wasn’t the right answer.
asked me what I’d like to do to her body; ”Identify
it” apparently wasn’t the right answer.
USMCDOC
Silver $$ Contributor
i have that same pic on the puter
USMCDOC
Silver $$ Contributor
jds holler
Gold $$ Contributor
Little Johnny got home from school, and his mother met him at the door. She informed him that the next door neighbor, Mrs. Jones, had just returned home with her new baby boy. "We are going to visit her, and compliment her and the newborn boy."
Johnny wasn't very excited about wasting his after school freedom, until his Mom continued. "Johnny, the new baby was born without any ears. There are small holes, and he can hear fine, but I want you to know that Mrs. Jones is very sensitive about the baby's appearance, and you are not to mention anything about the ears."
"Gee Mom, I'm not stupid. I won't even mention the word ear." "Can we go right now??" Johnny could barely contain his excitement.
Johnny's mom breathed a silent prayer, looking at her son suspiciously, and they departed for next door.
After a friendly greeting at the Jones house, Johnny and his mother soon found themselves in the baby's room gazing down upon the newborn Jones, obviously healthy but indeed without ears. Johnny's eyes were close to popping from his head, but his mother's talon-like grip on his shoulder reminded him to be restrained.
Both mothers giggled happily and lovingly, but there was a nervous tension in the room over what wasn't being said. Johnny seemed to sense the tension, and exclaimed, "Oh Wow!! He's just beautiful." "Would ya just look at his tiny little fingers." Mother Jones beamed her pleasure.
Johnny continued, "And his cute little nose, -- and those blue eyes, how beautiful!" Mrs. Jones nodded her agreement. "Can he see good yet, or will it take awhile like a kitten," Johnny asked.
Mrs. Jones replied, "The doctor said that his eyes are perfect, and he can already see very well."
Looking back at the baby, Johnny went on, "Well that's a good thing, cause if he had to wear glasses, he'd sure be screwed."
jd
Johnny wasn't very excited about wasting his after school freedom, until his Mom continued. "Johnny, the new baby was born without any ears. There are small holes, and he can hear fine, but I want you to know that Mrs. Jones is very sensitive about the baby's appearance, and you are not to mention anything about the ears."
"Gee Mom, I'm not stupid. I won't even mention the word ear." "Can we go right now??" Johnny could barely contain his excitement.
Johnny's mom breathed a silent prayer, looking at her son suspiciously, and they departed for next door.
After a friendly greeting at the Jones house, Johnny and his mother soon found themselves in the baby's room gazing down upon the newborn Jones, obviously healthy but indeed without ears. Johnny's eyes were close to popping from his head, but his mother's talon-like grip on his shoulder reminded him to be restrained.
Both mothers giggled happily and lovingly, but there was a nervous tension in the room over what wasn't being said. Johnny seemed to sense the tension, and exclaimed, "Oh Wow!! He's just beautiful." "Would ya just look at his tiny little fingers." Mother Jones beamed her pleasure.
Johnny continued, "And his cute little nose, -- and those blue eyes, how beautiful!" Mrs. Jones nodded her agreement. "Can he see good yet, or will it take awhile like a kitten," Johnny asked.
Mrs. Jones replied, "The doctor said that his eyes are perfect, and he can already see very well."
Looking back at the baby, Johnny went on, "Well that's a good thing, cause if he had to wear glasses, he'd sure be screwed."
jd
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