Great combo. Rosie O'Donnell's ass and Hilary Clinton"s face.
Warped sense of humor
- Thread starter Ringostar
- Start date
- Status
You guys know we’re all going to hell for this?
Based on the world we live in, I am a firm believer that God and Satan both have a wicked sense of humor!
Riesel
Gold $$ Contributor
OK, I give, who is this?
First it was the silverware from the White House....
Now, somewhere a Motel 6 is missing a shower curtain…
GotRDid
Gold $$ Contributor
Hogg, the idiot that may or may not have dodged a bullet when his school was attacked.
Now a left wing lunatic.
Actually, the fact that he is not as well known as he had hoped after his Warhol moment pleases me.
GotRDid.
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The Liberal Press Is At It Again!!!!
More Fake News
A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”
The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”
The reporter says, “Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I’m voting for Trump."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH”
And THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these
More Fake News
A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”
The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”
The reporter says, “Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I’m voting for Trump."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH”
And THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these
As we get older, we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world.
It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other seniors
who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.
Harold Schlumberg is such a Person....
QUOTE FROM HAROLD :
"I've often been asked,... 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?' Well, I stay active
and happy. I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy
most is converting beer and scotch into urine.
Then I take a jog out to the shed and piss on a picture of Obama. I do this several times every day.
I really enjoy it and get my exercise too!"
Harold is an inspiration to all of us old folks.
It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other seniors
who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.
Harold Schlumberg is such a Person....
QUOTE FROM HAROLD :
"I've often been asked,... 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?' Well, I stay active
and happy. I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy
most is converting beer and scotch into urine.
Then I take a jog out to the shed and piss on a picture of Obama. I do this several times every day.
I really enjoy it and get my exercise too!"
Harold is an inspiration to all of us old folks.
THE UMBRELLA - A TOUCHING STORY
On a rainy afternoon, a group of protesters were gathered outside the grocery store handing out pamphlets on “T he ‘ evils ’ of America . ” I politely declined to take one.
There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
The young protester gently put her hand on the old woman's shoulder and in a patronizing voice said, "Don't you care about the children of Iraq?"
The old woman looked up at her and said: "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam.
All three died so a naive, ignorant, self-centered bimbo like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country … and if you touch me again, I'll shove this umbrella up your ass and open it."
On a rainy afternoon, a group of protesters were gathered outside the grocery store handing out pamphlets on “T he ‘ evils ’ of America . ” I politely declined to take one.
There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
The young protester gently put her hand on the old woman's shoulder and in a patronizing voice said, "Don't you care about the children of Iraq?"
The old woman looked up at her and said: "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam.
All three died so a naive, ignorant, self-centered bimbo like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country … and if you touch me again, I'll shove this umbrella up your ass and open it."
The curse of surgery.......
So, "I'm getting circumcised tomorrow."
My friend told me that he had that done when he was a few days old.
I asked him "Does it hurt?"
He said, " Well I couldn't walk for about a year."
So, "I'm getting circumcised tomorrow."
My friend told me that he had that done when he was a few days old.
I asked him "Does it hurt?"
He said, " Well I couldn't walk for about a year."
Needs Home
This is Lexi, she’s an 8 week-old German Shepherd,
I bought Lexi as a surprise for my wife but it turns out
she is allergic to dogs so we are now looking to find her
a new home.
She is 68 years old, an attractive and caring woman who drives,
is a great cook and keeps a clean house.
Any takers?
LOCATION...LOCATION... LOCATION
You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home.
The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.
By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable.
BUT.
In Michigan, he'd be called "the last white guy still living in Detroit.
In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector.
In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector.
In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve
judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.
In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend.
In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy.
In Idaho, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate.
In Georgia, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor.
In North Carolina, Virginia, WV, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, South Carolina and Minnesota he would be called "a deer hunting buddy.
AND OF COURSE
In Texas he'd just be "Bubba; who's a little short on Ammo."
You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home.
The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.
By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable.
BUT.
In Michigan, he'd be called "the last white guy still living in Detroit.
In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector.
In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector.
In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve
judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.
In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend.
In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy.
In Idaho, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate.
In Georgia, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor.
In North Carolina, Virginia, WV, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, South Carolina and Minnesota he would be called "a deer hunting buddy.
AND OF COURSE
In Texas he'd just be "Bubba; who's a little short on Ammo."
I’m a proud grandfather. I took a picture of my grandson and his teacher
Dedication and Focus:
This is a Testimony to Dedication and Focus:
It was later reported that his wife got out safely,
and that he did indeed par the hole.
He says the divorce isn't going to be that bad, now that there's no house involved.
This is a Testimony to Dedication and Focus:
It was later reported that his wife got out safely,
and that he did indeed par the hole.
He says the divorce isn't going to be that bad, now that there's no house involved.
Little Bobby and Jenny are only 10 years old,
but they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married,
so Bobby goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bobby bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and
I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was simply adorable, Mr. Smith replies,
"Well, Bobby , you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bobby replies,
"In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bobby instantly replies,
"Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and
I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed Bobby has put so much thought into this.
"Well, Bobby , it seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"
Bobby just shrugs his shoulders and says,
" Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.
but they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married,
so Bobby goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bobby bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and
I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was simply adorable, Mr. Smith replies,
"Well, Bobby , you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bobby replies,
"In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bobby instantly replies,
"Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and
I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed Bobby has put so much thought into this.
"Well, Bobby , it seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"
Bobby just shrugs his shoulders and says,
" Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.
pirate ammo
Guaranteed to take the wind out of their sails
But think of the great company we'd be in.You guys know we’re all going to hell for this?
KMart
Gold $$ Contributor
Target fixation . . .
You guys know we’re all going to hell for this?
At least we'll be in good company! Last one there has to buy the beer though.
djporter
Gold $$ Contributor
You can have my share!
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