Warped sense of humor
- Thread starter Ringostar
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joshb
Gold $$ Contributor
Last edited:
To funny
Funny Bumper Sticker Quotes...
Watch out for the idiot behind me!
Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
If you're rich, I’m single!
0-60 in 15 minutes!
A clean car is a sign of a sick mind.
100% Irony Free
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
Adults are just kids with money.
Baby on bored
HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.
I talk to strangers
I Think Feminists Are Cute!
Keep honking, I’m reloading!
Pain is inevitable; misery is optional.
To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Your honor student deals the best drugs.
The fastest way to a fisherman's heart is through his fly
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!
Buckle up... it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car
I break for........................OH SHIT NO BRAKES
There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
Learn from your parent’s mistakes; use birth control
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
All men are idiots, and I married their king.
Friends help you move; real friends help you move the body.
Very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes
Low riders are for little boys who can't get it up.
Saw it, wanted it, threw a fit, Got It!!
Want to get laid? Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young
We're not old people, we're recycled teenagers!
IF THIS STICKER IS GETTING SMALLER, THE LIGHT IS PROBABLY GREEN
YOUR TURN SIGNAL IS STILL ON
IT'S IMPOLITE TO STARE
U.S.M.C.: UNCLE SAMS MISGUIDED CHILDREN
Eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking?
I wasn't born a bitch; men like you made me that way.
I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want
They didn't let me out, they just gave me a day pass!
(Front Bumper) If you can read this, I didn't hit you hard enough.
...and I should care, why?
100,000 Sperm And You Were The Fastest?
186,000 Miles/Second: It’s Not Just A Good Idea, It’s The Law!
3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
7 days with out Jesus makes one weak
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
A Mouse Is An Elephant Built By The Japanese
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Age is a high price to pay for maturity
Watch out for the idiot behind me!
Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
If you're rich, I’m single!
0-60 in 15 minutes!
A clean car is a sign of a sick mind.
100% Irony Free
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
Adults are just kids with money.
Baby on bored
HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.
I talk to strangers
I Think Feminists Are Cute!
Keep honking, I’m reloading!
Pain is inevitable; misery is optional.
To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Your honor student deals the best drugs.
The fastest way to a fisherman's heart is through his fly
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!
Buckle up... it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car
I break for........................OH SHIT NO BRAKES
There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
Learn from your parent’s mistakes; use birth control
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
All men are idiots, and I married their king.
Friends help you move; real friends help you move the body.
Very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes
Low riders are for little boys who can't get it up.
Saw it, wanted it, threw a fit, Got It!!
Want to get laid? Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young
We're not old people, we're recycled teenagers!
IF THIS STICKER IS GETTING SMALLER, THE LIGHT IS PROBABLY GREEN
YOUR TURN SIGNAL IS STILL ON
IT'S IMPOLITE TO STARE
U.S.M.C.: UNCLE SAMS MISGUIDED CHILDREN
Eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking?
I wasn't born a bitch; men like you made me that way.
I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want
They didn't let me out, they just gave me a day pass!
(Front Bumper) If you can read this, I didn't hit you hard enough.
...and I should care, why?
100,000 Sperm And You Were The Fastest?
186,000 Miles/Second: It’s Not Just A Good Idea, It’s The Law!
3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
7 days with out Jesus makes one weak
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
A Mouse Is An Elephant Built By The Japanese
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Age is a high price to pay for maturity
Air Pollution Is A Mist-Demeaner
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
All generalizations are false.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
All my drinking buddies have a racing problem.
All stressed out and nobody to choke!
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
AMERICA-Love It Or Leave It!
Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
ANGER IS MERELY DEPRESSION WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM!
Another brilliant mind ruined by higher education.
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
Anything Free Is Worth What You Pay For It
Are you following Jesus this close?
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Ask me about micro waving cats for fun and profit.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Ass, gas or grass, nobody rides for free.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy
Avoid Hangovers; Stay Drunk
Ax Me About Ebonics
Back Up My Hard Drive? How Do I Put It In Reverse?
BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!
BARBIE AIN'T HERE!.
Be nice, society already sucks.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Be the kind of friend you'd want.
Be the kind of person you always wanted your parents to be.
Beam me up Jesus.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
BEER, Helping people have sex since 1865.
Beer: It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore.
Beer: making women look better since 1865.
Beer: The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon
Before giving someone a piece of your mind be sure you have enough to spare!
Behind every successful man there is a woman, behind every unsuccessful man there are two.
Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
Blondes Tease....Brunettes Please....
Blow your nose, your horn works fine.
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
Boldly Going Nowhere
BOMB SQUAD: If you see me running you better catch up!
Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
Boy bands. The spawn of Satan.
Boycott shampoo, demand real poo instead.
Bumper sticker in the year 2100: DISCO STILL SUCKS
But I Just Can’t Get My Head That Far Up My Ass
Buy a gun support the constitution.
Buy a gun. Piss off the liberals.
Can I pay my Visa with my MasterCard?
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!! ??
Can't Feed 'Em! Don't Breed Em'!
Careful, I’m not wearing clean underwear!
Cat: The Other White Meat
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
All generalizations are false.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
All my drinking buddies have a racing problem.
All stressed out and nobody to choke!
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
AMERICA-Love It Or Leave It!
Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
ANGER IS MERELY DEPRESSION WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM!
Another brilliant mind ruined by higher education.
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
Anything Free Is Worth What You Pay For It
Are you following Jesus this close?
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Ask me about micro waving cats for fun and profit.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Ass, gas or grass, nobody rides for free.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy
Avoid Hangovers; Stay Drunk
Ax Me About Ebonics
Back Up My Hard Drive? How Do I Put It In Reverse?
BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!
BARBIE AIN'T HERE!.
Be nice, society already sucks.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Be the kind of friend you'd want.
Be the kind of person you always wanted your parents to be.
Beam me up Jesus.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
BEER, Helping people have sex since 1865.
Beer: It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore.
Beer: making women look better since 1865.
Beer: The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon
Before giving someone a piece of your mind be sure you have enough to spare!
Behind every successful man there is a woman, behind every unsuccessful man there are two.
Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
Blondes Tease....Brunettes Please....
Blow your nose, your horn works fine.
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
Boldly Going Nowhere
BOMB SQUAD: If you see me running you better catch up!
Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
Boy bands. The spawn of Satan.
Boycott shampoo, demand real poo instead.
Bumper sticker in the year 2100: DISCO STILL SUCKS
But I Just Can’t Get My Head That Far Up My Ass
Buy a gun support the constitution.
Buy a gun. Piss off the liberals.
Can I pay my Visa with my MasterCard?
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!! ??
Can't Feed 'Em! Don't Breed Em'!
Careful, I’m not wearing clean underwear!
Cat: The Other White Meat
Caution -- Driver Legally Blonde
CAUTION I BRAKE FOR HOOKERS.
CAUTION! I drive like you do!
Caution: I brake for no apparent reason.
CAUTION: This car will be left behind during rapture.
Change is good...you go first!
Change Is Inevitable, Except From A Vending Machine
Chemistry Professors Never Die, They Just Smell That Way!
Children are like farts: your own are just about tolerable but everyone else's are horrendous.
Clean up America. Kill a redneck!
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
Clones are people 2
Coffee, Chocolate, Men. Some things are just better rich.
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
Cole’s Law: Thinly Sliced Cabbage
Condoms are easier to change than diapers!
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Confucious say "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Conserve toilet paper - use both sides.
Conserve water - Shower with a friend
Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Could You Drive Any Better If I Shoved That Cell Phone Up Your Ass?
Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
D.A.M.M.- Drunks Against Mad Mothers
DANGER: I drive like you do!
DARE to keep cops off doughnuts.
DARE to keep the CIA off drugs.
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Death is the consequence of being alive.
Deep down, divers care.
Democrats=Beaureaucrats: STUPID
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
DETEST-de stuff de teacher gives de students when ya expect it de least!!!
Dewey,Skrewem, & Howe (attorneys at law)
Did you just fart or did you always smell that way?
Diplomacy Is Saying “Nice Doggy” Until You Find A Rock
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
Divers get more tail.
Do I look like a freakin' People Person?
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
Do not play leap frog with a unicorn.
Do not put a question mark where God put a period.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
Do unto others before they do unto you.
Do Vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Doctor's say I have a multiple personality, but we don't agree with that.
Does The Name Pavlov Ring A Bell?
D'oh!
Don’t Drink And Drive...You Might Hit A Bump And Spill Your Drink.
Don’t Piss Me Off! I’m Running Out Of Places To Hide The Bodies.
Don’t Take Life Too Seriously; You Won’t Get Out Alive
Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't believe everything you think.
Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
CAUTION I BRAKE FOR HOOKERS.
CAUTION! I drive like you do!
Caution: I brake for no apparent reason.
CAUTION: This car will be left behind during rapture.
Change is good...you go first!
Change Is Inevitable, Except From A Vending Machine
Chemistry Professors Never Die, They Just Smell That Way!
Children are like farts: your own are just about tolerable but everyone else's are horrendous.
Clean up America. Kill a redneck!
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
Clones are people 2
Coffee, Chocolate, Men. Some things are just better rich.
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
Cole’s Law: Thinly Sliced Cabbage
Condoms are easier to change than diapers!
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Confucious say "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Conserve toilet paper - use both sides.
Conserve water - Shower with a friend
Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Could You Drive Any Better If I Shoved That Cell Phone Up Your Ass?
Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
D.A.M.M.- Drunks Against Mad Mothers
DANGER: I drive like you do!
DARE to keep cops off doughnuts.
DARE to keep the CIA off drugs.
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Death is the consequence of being alive.
Deep down, divers care.
Democrats=Beaureaucrats: STUPID
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
DETEST-de stuff de teacher gives de students when ya expect it de least!!!
Dewey,Skrewem, & Howe (attorneys at law)
Did you just fart or did you always smell that way?
Diplomacy Is Saying “Nice Doggy” Until You Find A Rock
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
Divers get more tail.
Do I look like a freakin' People Person?
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
Do not play leap frog with a unicorn.
Do not put a question mark where God put a period.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
Do unto others before they do unto you.
Do Vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Doctor's say I have a multiple personality, but we don't agree with that.
Does The Name Pavlov Ring A Bell?
D'oh!
Don’t Drink And Drive...You Might Hit A Bump And Spill Your Drink.
Don’t Piss Me Off! I’m Running Out Of Places To Hide The Bodies.
Don’t Take Life Too Seriously; You Won’t Get Out Alive
Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't believe everything you think.
Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
Don't drink to drown your sorrow. Sorrow knows how to swim.
Don't f*** with my head and I won't think with my dick!
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Don't laugh; your daughter may be in back.
Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
Don't make me go medieval on you.
Don't miss heaven for the world.
Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!
Don't rub the lamp unless you're ready for the genie.
Don't start with me…you won't win!
Don't steal, the government hates competition.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Don't trust women.
Don't wish for it...work for it.
Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.
DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT!
Driver carries less than $20 IN AMMUNITION..
Drop Dead
Due to budget cuts, light at end of tunnel will be out.
Dyslexics Have More Fnu.
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
E. coli Happens
Each day is a gift.
Eagles Don't Flock.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
EARTH FIRST - We'll log the other planets later.
Earth first... We will strip the other planets later.
Earth Is The Insane Asylum For The Universe
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Editing Is A Rewording Activity
Elvis has left the planet.
Elvis Is Dead And I’m Not Feeling Too Good Myself
Energizer Bunny Arrested; Charged With Battery
Enjoy life, it's not a dress rehearsal.
Entropy Isn’t What It Used To Be
Eschew Obfuscation
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Every silver lining has a cloud.
Every thing is on loan from the government until you can't pay your taxes.
Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion
Everything i need to know i learned in prison
Everything is possible, just not too probable.
Everything Is Somewhere.
Everytime you speak you make someone dumber for listening to you.
EXIT
F U Cn Rd Ths U Cnt Spl Wrth A Dm!
Faster than a speeding ticket.
Fat chicks make my car scrape!
Fat people are hard to kidnap.
Few women admit their age, few men act it.
Fight Socialism...Vote Republican
First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and then the suffering...
Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
Flies spread disease, keep yours closed!
FLORIDA: Home of Electile Dysfunction
FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we vote then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.
Don't f*** with my head and I won't think with my dick!
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Don't laugh; your daughter may be in back.
Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
Don't make me go medieval on you.
Don't miss heaven for the world.
Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!
Don't rub the lamp unless you're ready for the genie.
Don't start with me…you won't win!
Don't steal, the government hates competition.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Don't trust women.
Don't wish for it...work for it.
Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.
DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT!
Driver carries less than $20 IN AMMUNITION..
Drop Dead
Due to budget cuts, light at end of tunnel will be out.
Dyslexics Have More Fnu.
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
E. coli Happens
Each day is a gift.
Eagles Don't Flock.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
EARTH FIRST - We'll log the other planets later.
Earth first... We will strip the other planets later.
Earth Is The Insane Asylum For The Universe
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Editing Is A Rewording Activity
Elvis has left the planet.
Elvis Is Dead And I’m Not Feeling Too Good Myself
Energizer Bunny Arrested; Charged With Battery
Enjoy life, it's not a dress rehearsal.
Entropy Isn’t What It Used To Be
Eschew Obfuscation
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Every silver lining has a cloud.
Every thing is on loan from the government until you can't pay your taxes.
Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion
Everything i need to know i learned in prison
Everything is possible, just not too probable.
Everything Is Somewhere.
Everytime you speak you make someone dumber for listening to you.
EXIT
F U Cn Rd Ths U Cnt Spl Wrth A Dm!
Faster than a speeding ticket.
Fat chicks make my car scrape!
Fat people are hard to kidnap.
Few women admit their age, few men act it.
Fight Socialism...Vote Republican
First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and then the suffering...
Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
Flies spread disease, keep yours closed!
FLORIDA: Home of Electile Dysfunction
FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we vote then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.
FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, And Revote.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!
FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.
FOLLOW THAT CAR, GODZILLA -- AND STEP ON IT !!
Follow your dreams, except the one where you’re at school in your underwear.
For a small town, this one sure has a lot of assholes!
For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
Forget World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
Friends don't let friends drive naked!!
Friends don't let friends miss out on heaven.
Friends Help You Move. Real Friends Help You Move Bodies.
Front bumper -Run, Hilary, Run!
Get over it!
Getting on your feet requires getting off your butt.
GIMMIEABREAK!
Give blood and you too can get a free bumper sticker.
Give Me Ambiguity Or Give Me Something Else
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Go Braless! It will pull the wrinkles from your face.
Go On, I will See You At The Next Light.
God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to operate one at a time.
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
God made Adam and Eve NOT Adam and Steve.
God must love stupid people...he made so many!
God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.
Got Brains?
Got Goth?
Graduate quickly, millions on welfare depend on you.
Gravity always gets me down.
Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.
Gravity- It’s not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Grow Your Own Dope, Plant A Man
Growing old is inevitable...Growing up is optional.
Gun control is a steady hand.
Gun control today, Total control tomorrow.
Guns don't kill people. Postal workers do.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service -- Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
Hang up and drive!
Happiness is Clinton's face on a milk carton.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!!!
Have a nice day... somewhere else.
Have you bitch slapped an environmentalist today?
Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu??
Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
Have you seen Elvis? 1-800-GET-A-LIFE
HE IS ABLE WHO THINKS HE IS ABLE!
HE WHO ANGERS YOU, CONQUERS YOU.
He who angers you, controls you!
He who farts in church sits in his own pew.
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
He’s Not Dead, He’s Electroencephalographically-Challenged
Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
Heck is for people that don't believe in Gosh.
Help Stamp Out And Eradicate Superfluous Redundancy
Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!
FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.
FOLLOW THAT CAR, GODZILLA -- AND STEP ON IT !!
Follow your dreams, except the one where you’re at school in your underwear.
For a small town, this one sure has a lot of assholes!
For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
Forget World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
Friends don't let friends drive naked!!
Friends don't let friends miss out on heaven.
Friends Help You Move. Real Friends Help You Move Bodies.
Front bumper -Run, Hilary, Run!
Get over it!
Getting on your feet requires getting off your butt.
GIMMIEABREAK!
Give blood and you too can get a free bumper sticker.
Give Me Ambiguity Or Give Me Something Else
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Go Braless! It will pull the wrinkles from your face.
Go On, I will See You At The Next Light.
God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to operate one at a time.
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
God made Adam and Eve NOT Adam and Steve.
God must love stupid people...he made so many!
God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.
Got Brains?
Got Goth?
Graduate quickly, millions on welfare depend on you.
Gravity always gets me down.
Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.
Gravity- It’s not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Grow Your Own Dope, Plant A Man
Growing old is inevitable...Growing up is optional.
Gun control is a steady hand.
Gun control today, Total control tomorrow.
Guns don't kill people. Postal workers do.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service -- Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
Hang up and drive!
Happiness is Clinton's face on a milk carton.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!!!
Have a nice day... somewhere else.
Have you bitch slapped an environmentalist today?
Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu??
Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
Have you seen Elvis? 1-800-GET-A-LIFE
HE IS ABLE WHO THINKS HE IS ABLE!
HE WHO ANGERS YOU, CONQUERS YOU.
He who angers you, controls you!
He who farts in church sits in his own pew.
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
He’s Not Dead, He’s Electroencephalographically-Challenged
Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
Heck is for people that don't believe in Gosh.
Help Stamp Out And Eradicate Superfluous Redundancy
Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
HELP, I AM LOST AND CANNOT FIND MY BEER!
Hey dumb ass I bought my own car, not mommy and daddy!
Hey idiot- You're driving a car, not a phone booth
Hey man, you live in America now... speak Spanish!
High beams were made to piss people off!
Hogwarts Dropout
Honk If Anything Falls Off
Honk if I'm Jesus!
Honk if you are blond.
Honk if you hate noise pollution!
Honk if you haven't slept with Clinton!
Honk if you like peace and quiet.
Honk if you love boy bands - then drive into a tree.
HONK IF YOU LOVE GORE (use the button on your steering wheel)
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if you love Rush.
Honk If You Want To See My Finger
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
Hope dies last!
Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.
House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
Housework makes women ugly.
How about never? Is never good for you?
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?
How may I ignore you today?
How's my driving? Dial 1-800-YOU-SUCK
huked on foniks werkd fer me
Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
I admire gay men, they leave more women for me!
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I am not speeding, I am qualifying.
I am overjoyed with whelm!
I am represented by the Law Firm of Dewey, Chedum, and Howe.
I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
I believe the Internet is an information source, not a lifestyle choice.
I brake for no apparent reason.
I brake for…wait…AAAH!…NO BRAKES!!!!!
I can go from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.
I can resist everything except temptation.
I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
I do work for food.
I Don’t Have To Be Dead To Donate My Organ
I Don’t Suffer From Insanity, I Enjoy Every Minute Of It
I don't decaf
I don't do mornings.
I don't do requests.
I DON'T DRINK - IT DULLS THE DRUGS.
I don't drive fast, I fly low.
I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
I don't have a license to kill, I have a learner's permit.
I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.
I don't repeat gossip.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!
I drank what?
Hey dumb ass I bought my own car, not mommy and daddy!
Hey idiot- You're driving a car, not a phone booth
Hey man, you live in America now... speak Spanish!
High beams were made to piss people off!
Hogwarts Dropout
Honk If Anything Falls Off
Honk if I'm Jesus!
Honk if you are blond.
Honk if you hate noise pollution!
Honk if you haven't slept with Clinton!
Honk if you like peace and quiet.
Honk if you love boy bands - then drive into a tree.
HONK IF YOU LOVE GORE (use the button on your steering wheel)
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if you love Rush.
Honk If You Want To See My Finger
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
Hope dies last!
Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.
House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
Housework makes women ugly.
How about never? Is never good for you?
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?
How may I ignore you today?
How's my driving? Dial 1-800-YOU-SUCK
huked on foniks werkd fer me
Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
I admire gay men, they leave more women for me!
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I am not speeding, I am qualifying.
I am overjoyed with whelm!
I am represented by the Law Firm of Dewey, Chedum, and Howe.
I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
I believe the Internet is an information source, not a lifestyle choice.
I brake for no apparent reason.
I brake for…wait…AAAH!…NO BRAKES!!!!!
I can go from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.
I can resist everything except temptation.
I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
I do work for food.
I Don’t Have To Be Dead To Donate My Organ
I Don’t Suffer From Insanity, I Enjoy Every Minute Of It
I don't decaf
I don't do mornings.
I don't do requests.
I DON'T DRINK - IT DULLS THE DRUGS.
I don't drive fast, I fly low.
I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
I don't have a license to kill, I have a learner's permit.
I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.
I don't repeat gossip.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!
I drank what?
USMCDOC
Silver $$ Contributor
Much like Hobbes, Gina1 wasn't a very good poker player, for the same reason. (Sorry Gina1, I just had to do it, the voices in my head...)
When I first saw Calvin & Hobbes in the comic strips, I thought it was something for little kids (with the stuffed tiger and all), so didn’t even read it for a long time. Has since become one of my all-time favorites.
Much like Hobbes, Gina1 wasn't a very good poker player, for the same reason. (Sorry Gina1, I just had to do it, the voices in my head...)
FROM ROBERT HEINLEIN'S 'NOTEBOOKS OF LAZARUS LONG'
Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.
Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him without hate--and quickly.
Cheops Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Money is a power aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.
Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one.
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.
Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.
The second best thing about space travel is that the distances involved make war a very difficult, usually impractical, and almost always unnecessary. This is probably a loss for most people, since war is our race's most popular diversion, one which gives purpose and color to dull and stupid lives. But it is a great boon to the intelligent man who fights only when he must--never for sport.
Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being stupid.
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, built a wall, set a bonfire, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
You live and learn. Or you don't live long.
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
In a family argument, if it turns out you are right -- apologize at once!
Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you.
This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother's side. I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds to happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors -- and miss.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
"Go to hell!" or other direct insult is all the answer snoopy questions rate.
Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.
Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him without hate--and quickly.
Cheops Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Money is a power aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.
Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one.
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.
Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.
The second best thing about space travel is that the distances involved make war a very difficult, usually impractical, and almost always unnecessary. This is probably a loss for most people, since war is our race's most popular diversion, one which gives purpose and color to dull and stupid lives. But it is a great boon to the intelligent man who fights only when he must--never for sport.
Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being stupid.
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, built a wall, set a bonfire, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
You live and learn. Or you don't live long.
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
In a family argument, if it turns out you are right -- apologize at once!
Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you.
This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother's side. I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds to happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors -- and miss.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
"Go to hell!" or other direct insult is all the answer snoopy questions rate.
Dawn broke on a beautiful fishing spot.
A young fellow acknowledged a FOG (figure it out).
The FOG asks "what's a young fella like you doing down here at dawn"?
"I'm on my honeymoon and I love to fish."
FOG says, " you should be up at the lodge doing newlywed things."
"I know, I know, but she has gonorrhea, and I love to fish."
"Well says the FOG, there is more than one way to skin a cat."
"I know, I know, but she had diarrhea, and I love to fish."
The FOG reminds him that dentists have a say in this.
"Yes, I know, but she also has pyorrhea."
Whoa says the FOG. "Gonorrhea, diarrhea and pyorrhea!!! Why would you marry such a woman?"
"Well, I love to fish, and she has worms too."
A young fellow acknowledged a FOG (figure it out).
The FOG asks "what's a young fella like you doing down here at dawn"?
"I'm on my honeymoon and I love to fish."
FOG says, " you should be up at the lodge doing newlywed things."
"I know, I know, but she has gonorrhea, and I love to fish."
"Well says the FOG, there is more than one way to skin a cat."
"I know, I know, but she had diarrhea, and I love to fish."
The FOG reminds him that dentists have a say in this.
"Yes, I know, but she also has pyorrhea."
Whoa says the FOG. "Gonorrhea, diarrhea and pyorrhea!!! Why would you marry such a woman?"
"Well, I love to fish, and she has worms too."
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