Warped sense of humor

[Nick Caprinolo]

1947 - 1948
This should give you a laugh...
Just thought you should know...

The year was 1947. Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little more than 69 years ago,
numerous witnesses claim that an Unidentified Flying Object, (UFO), with five aliens aboard,
crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico

This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered-up by the U.S. Air Force,
as well as other Federal Agencies and Organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April, year 1948, nine months after
the alien crash, the following people were born:

Barrack Obama Sr.
Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
William J. Clinton
John F. Kerry
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
Joe Biden

This is the obvious consequence of aliens breeding with sheep and jack-asses.
I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me.

Now you can stop wondering why they support the bill to help all Illegal Aliens.

 

[T-shooter]

Too many fat riders on the rear of the bus.

 

[T-shooter]

COOL!

 

[T-shooter]

i can with ease, i have always been able to do this..

OMG, I must have a problem because I can read it as fast as normal text.

 

[T-shooter]

1947 - 1948
This should give you a laugh...
Just thought you should know...

The year was 1947. Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little more than 69 years ago,
numerous witnesses claim that an Unidentified Flying Object, (UFO), with five aliens aboard,
crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico

This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered-up by the U.S. Air Force,
as well as other Federal Agencies and Organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April, year 1948, nine months after
the alien crash, the following people were born:

Barrack Obama Sr.
Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
William J. Clinton
John F. Kerry
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
Joe Biden

This is the obvious consequence of aliens breeding with sheep and jack-asses.
I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me.

Now you can stop wondering why they support the bill to help all Illegal Aliens.

Where were the Democrats pushing abortion then?

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

You will not believe what just happened... I stopped at 7-11...When I walked up i noticed these 2 police officers drinking coffee and watching a woman who was smoking while pumping gas... I saw her & thought, "This woman didn't have any common sense & was she stupid especially with two officers right there watching her?!"
But anyway, I went in and got my pop. As I was checking out, I heard someone screaming. I looked outside and the woman's arm was on fire! She was swinging her arm around in the cops were trying to putt the fire out with their coffees!! YES, THEIR COFFEES!...Then they put handcuffs on her and threw her in the back of the police car.... being the nosy person that I am, I asked one of the officers what they were arresting her for.. The cop looked me dead in my eyes and said ... "WAVING A FIREARM!"

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

A wild eyed woman walked into a crowded bar in downtown Washington, District of Columbia, waiving an un-holstered pistol and yelled out, “I have a .45 caliber Colt 1911, with a seven round magazine, plus one in the chamber.
I want to know who has been sleeping with my husband?”
A female voice from the back of the room called out, “You need more ammo, Hillary!”

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

Subject: FW: New Deodorant
Getting Old Should Require Training
I bought a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said: "Remove cap and push up bottom."
It hurts to walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely.

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

IN RESPONSE TO ALL THE RECENT E-MAILS ABOUT MY DOG: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM.
YES, HE BIT 6 PEOPLE WEARING OBAMA T-SHIRTS...
4 PEOPLE WEARING HILLARY T-SHIRTS...
2 CAR DRIVERS WITH BERNIE SANDERS BUMPER STICKERS...
9 TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR ASS CRACKS...
2 FLAG BURNERS...
AND A PAKISTANI TAXI DRIVER.
SO FOR THE LAST TIME. .

THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE!
AND NO, I DO NOT APPROVE OF HIS SMOKING, BUT HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE "BAD TASTE" OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when he decided that he really needed a new robe.

After looking around for a while, he saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor.

So, he went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit!

He asked how much he owed.
Finkelstein brushed him off: "No, no, no, for the Son of God there's no charge!

However, may I ask for a small favor. Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor?"

Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of his Finkelstein robe whenever he spoke to the masses.

A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem , he happened to walk past Finkelstein's shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein's robes.

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

THIS GUY SAYS HIS NAME IS "ACE",
EVERYONE CALLS HIM THAT BECAUSE
HE LOOKS LIKE HE WAS RUN OVER BY
A DAMNED HARDWARE TRUCK. HE SAYS
THAT HE DESERVES WELFARE AND
GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE . . because he can't get a job!

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

But who were both married to other people,
Found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,
They were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1 : 00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,...........'Ma'am,
I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a blanket?
I'm awfully cold'
'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight......let's pretend that we're married'
'Wow!......................That's a great idea!' he exclaimed..
'Good,' she replied................'Get your own @#$#^@ blanket.'

After a moment of silence, ........................he farted.
The End

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

How about this guy for "Parant of The Year."

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

A BLONDE JOKE THAT YOU'VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE....
She desperately wanted a pair of beautiful alligator shoes.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well little lady, why don't you go give it a try?'

The blonde headed off to the swamp,determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.

Nearby were 7 more dead 'gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the 'gator. Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration ......
"Son-of-a-bitch!! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the fortune teller delivered grave news:
"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, the young woman stared back at the old woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. Her mind raced. A question forced it's way out... she simply had to know.. She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, tried to steady her voice and asked,
"Will I be acquitted?"
For some reason wives seem to like this joke!

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street,
when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'
The cop looked the bike over and handed
the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put
a reflector light on the back of it!'
The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'
Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'
The little girl looked up at the cop and said:
'Next year tell Santa;
The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top'!!!

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

A young Arab asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said,

"Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun."


"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.

"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body" said the father.


The son asked

, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied,

"These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."


"Tell me," added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are you living in Minnesota and still wearing all this shit?"

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"

The bride-to-be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, madam, but such dresses are usually more fitting for the first time bride who is more innocent in the ways of life, if you get my meaning."

"WELL!," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness,

"I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."

"What about your third husband?"

"That one was a DEMOCRAT", said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

TRUCK SPOTTED LEAVING Congress Wednesday Morning

 

[mikeinct]

How about this guy for "Parant of The Year."




View attachment 1135023

Piss off a Dr. When he asks, what do you do to keep in shape. " I smoke, Drink, Swear, Gamble & chase Women" mike in ct