Warped sense of humor
- Thread starter Ringostar
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^^^^^ TRUE DAT ^^^^^ Been to Fred's a few times.... was raised about 10 miles south of there down LA 13
A magician is working on a cruise ship, but there is one problem. The captain’s parrot watches every show he does, and after figuring out the tricks, the parrot has started yelling out the secrets of how the tricks are done.
The bird says, “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or “Hey! He’s hiding the flowers under
the table!”
The magician is enraged. But it’s the captain’s parrot, so he can’t do anything about it.
One day on a long cruise, there is an accident. The ship crashes and sinks. The magician and the parrot find themselves clinging to the same plank of wood in the middle
of the ocean. For days neither says anything. Finally, after a week with no hope in sight,
the parrot says, “Okay, I give up. Where’s the ship?”
The bird says, “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or “Hey! He’s hiding the flowers under
the table!”
The magician is enraged. But it’s the captain’s parrot, so he can’t do anything about it.
One day on a long cruise, there is an accident. The ship crashes and sinks. The magician and the parrot find themselves clinging to the same plank of wood in the middle
of the ocean. For days neither says anything. Finally, after a week with no hope in sight,
the parrot says, “Okay, I give up. Where’s the ship?”
A Hillbilly walks into a Brothel,puts down 800 bucks and tells the Madam I want the fattest ,meanest ,ugliest woman you have and a bologna sandwich.The madam replies for that money you can have a steak dinner and one of our finest girls.The hillbilly says you don't understand I'm not horny I'm home sick !
A TRUCKER STORY:
A trucker is driving all night and is starving trying to find a diner open, finally finds one and all he can think of is a hamburger!
He’s reading the menu full of delicious hamburgers and down at the bottom says Hand Job $10
Calls the waitress over and asked “is this right?” She says Yes....
Who takes care of this? he asks
“Well I do” and she smiles
Okay , then go wash your hands and bring me a hamburger!
A trucker is driving all night and is starving trying to find a diner open, finally finds one and all he can think of is a hamburger!
He’s reading the menu full of delicious hamburgers and down at the bottom says Hand Job $10
Calls the waitress over and asked “is this right?” She says Yes....
Who takes care of this? he asks
“Well I do” and she smiles
Okay , then go wash your hands and bring me a hamburger!
Last edited:
Compliments of mypastor.com
A preacher went to visit an eldrly woman from his church who had just had an operation. As he was sitting there talking with her, he noticed a bowl of peanuts on the stand next to the bed. He began to eat them, and soon it was time for him to leave. When he got up he noticed he had eaten all of her peanuts.
"Sister Jones,"he said" I'm sorry I ate all of your peanuts."
She replied "That's okay pastor, I already sucked all of the chocolate off of them."
A preacher went to visit an eldrly woman from his church who had just had an operation. As he was sitting there talking with her, he noticed a bowl of peanuts on the stand next to the bed. He began to eat them, and soon it was time for him to leave. When he got up he noticed he had eaten all of her peanuts.
"Sister Jones,"he said" I'm sorry I ate all of your peanuts."
She replied "That's okay pastor, I already sucked all of the chocolate off of them."
tmwinds
Gold $$ Contributor
I didn't give you a like but I did award you a participation trophy.
hogpatrol
Gold $$ Contributor
A man was telling his buddy: "You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said: 'Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my car, take my front door key away, and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."
"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that. Her exact words were:”
"Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We're going to work together on Bernie Sander’s presidential campaign.’”
"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that. Her exact words were:”
"Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We're going to work together on Bernie Sander’s presidential campaign.’”
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