On the lighter side.....
- Thread starter joshb
- Start date
- Status
Just wanted to let yall know - today I received my Stimulus Package.
It contained two tomato seeds, cornbread mix, a prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke up my a$$, 2 discount coupons to KFC, an "Obama Hope & Change" bumper sticker, and a "Blame it on Bush" poster for the front yard. The directions were in Spanish.
Watch for yours soon.
It contained two tomato seeds, cornbread mix, a prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke up my a$$, 2 discount coupons to KFC, an "Obama Hope & Change" bumper sticker, and a "Blame it on Bush" poster for the front yard. The directions were in Spanish.
Watch for yours soon.
Tomorrow is the National Home school Tornado Drill. Lock your kids in the basement until you give the all clear. You’re welcome!
I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers…
Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!
Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we use them!
Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???
I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
Me: Alexa what’s the weather this weekend?
Alexa: It doesn’t matter – you’re not going anywhere.
Can everyone please just follow the government instructions so we can knock out this coronavirus and be done?! I feel like a kindergartner who keeps losing more recess time because one or two kids can’t follow directions.
I swear my fridge just said “what the hell do you want now?”
When this is over…what meeting do I attend first…Weight Watchers or AA?
Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers…
Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!
Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we use them!
Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???
I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
Me: Alexa what’s the weather this weekend?
Alexa: It doesn’t matter – you’re not going anywhere.
Can everyone please just follow the government instructions so we can knock out this coronavirus and be done?! I feel like a kindergartner who keeps losing more recess time because one or two kids can’t follow directions.
I swear my fridge just said “what the hell do you want now?”
When this is over…what meeting do I attend first…Weight Watchers or AA?
Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD THAT....
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security,
Retirement Funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Afghanistan, and when I
told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Those are large bottles...she needs rehab.
- Status
Upgrades & Donations
This Forum's expenses are primarily paid by member contributions. You can upgrade your Forum membership in seconds. Gold and Silver members get unlimited FREE classifieds for one year. Gold members can upload custom avatars.
Click Upgrade Membership Button ABOVE to get Gold or Silver Status.
You can also donate any amount, large or small, with the button below. Include your Forum Name in the PayPal Notes field.
To DONATE by CHECK, or make a recurring donation, CLICK HERE to learn how.
Click Upgrade Membership Button ABOVE to get Gold or Silver Status.
You can also donate any amount, large or small, with the button below. Include your Forum Name in the PayPal Notes field.
To DONATE by CHECK, or make a recurring donation, CLICK HERE to learn how.