• This Forum is for adults 18 years of age or over. By continuing to use this Forum you are confirming that you are 18 or older. No content shall be viewed by any person under 18 in California.

Laugh for the Day

Status
Not open for further replies.
A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life
finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a
list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the doctor
was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a
prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?"
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could
possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes, dear,
I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of
orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. And believe me it
definitely helps me sleep at night."
You gotta love Grandmas!
 
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The
question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to
think of seven advantages He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the
bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the
ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A+.
 
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female
neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle
a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously
and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30
grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a
40 foot HOLE where the crematorium used to be.
 
An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"
The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but watch this!"
The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?
Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"
The AirBus pilot laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.
The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.
This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.
Dedicated to all my friends who, like me, as seniors, we now realize that it’s time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip.
I guy I knew who was a load master on the KC135 told me a similar story with some fighters they were refueling.
 
Limit all US politicians to two terms:
- One in office

- One in prison

Apparently, Illinois already does this,
and it seems to
work for them!


Only in America ... do drugstores make the sick walk all the
way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America ... do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America ... do banks leave vault doors open and
then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ... do we leave cars worth thousands of
dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and
buns in packages of eight.

Only in America ... do they have drive-up ATM machines with
Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER .... Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish
washing liquid made with
real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?


Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used
on airplanes? Why don't they
make the entire plane
out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all
stuck together?


I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of pro... is Congress the
opposite of
progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
i LIVE IN illinois & WE ARE VERY PROUD THAT OUR PAST GOVERNORS make our license plates!!!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Upgrades & Donations

This Forum's expenses are primarily paid by member contributions. You can upgrade your Forum membership in seconds. Gold and Silver members get unlimited FREE classifieds for one year. Gold members can upload custom avatars.


Click Upgrade Membership Button ABOVE to get Gold or Silver Status.

You can also donate any amount, large or small, with the button below. Include your Forum Name in the PayPal Notes field.


To DONATE by CHECK, or make a recurring donation, CLICK HERE to learn how.

Forum statistics

Threads
166,830
Messages
2,223,808
Members
79,918
Latest member
Joe The Licensed Plumber
Back
Top