Warped sense of humor

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My fave part of the intro!

 

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https://j0jin.tumblr.com/post/180369712184

 

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[JayHHI6818]

I sent this to my 95 year old Mom who was a dental hygienist!!! We still get tooth brushes in Easter basket and Christmas stocking our house was the most hated at Halloween! Mom handed out apples!!!!

 

[PRR1957]

When I was in the fifth grade my class had a substitute teacher for the week, and she asked the class if any of use had foreign born parents and if any of use could speak that language. While the teacher had her back to us writhing something on the chalk board, I blurted out a rather profane German phase I had heard my grandfather say a bunch of times. The teacher turned around and asked who said that. I did not own up to it but was ratted out by a class mate, to which the teacher said, “That was very well spoken. Now go to the Principles office.” Needless to say I was in a world of pooh when I got home from school that day.

 

[PRR1957]

She has skills!

My mom had a Kirby vacuum like that. All metal construction. Totally indestructible. Would suck the bricks off a house.

 

[Snuggie]

View attachment 1131705
GotRDid.

Looks like twin 40’s to me.....

 

[joshb]

Looks like twin 40’s to me.....

Nah...she’s doing that old bar trick of pushing them together with her arms. I fell for that a couple times! Still cute tho!

 

[Knotwild]

Pappy was sitting on the porch with his grandson, Emerson. Pappy saw a worm and said "Emerson, if you can get that worm out of his hole without killing him, I'll give you a dollar". Emerson gently and patiently tugged on the worm until he was free and showed it to Pappy. Pappy said "Emerson, if you can get that worm back in his hole, I'll buy you a bicycle". Pappy thought he was safe and went inside. 10 minutes later, Emerson came in and got him - the worm was back in the hole. Pappy said, "How did you do that" and Emerson replied "I used hair spray to make him stiff and pushed him in".

The next day, there was a brand new motorcycle waiting for Emerson. Emerson said "Pappy, I thought you said you would get me a bicycle".

Pappy responded "I did, but that's from your grandmother".

 

[Knotwild]

 

[338 Mollett]

Garnished indeed !

 

[338 Mollett]

My fave part of the intro!

She would need a bigger bathing suit ,to hide my teeth marks !

 

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https://googleme420.tumblr.com/post/185474014933

 

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[Nick Caprinolo]

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two ' working girls ' and take them to their separate hotel rooms for an hour of pleasure. The first dwarf, however, is unable to perform. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of, "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE .... UGH! " " Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!" "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!" This goes on for the whole hour.


Later back at the bar, the second dwarf asks the first, " How did it go? " The first mutters, "It was embarrassing. I just couldn't perform. "

The second dwarf shook his head. " You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get on the bed"!

 

[Knotwild]

If I could kick the person in the tail that causes me the most problems I could not sit down for a week.
Will Rogers
(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
Will Rogers
(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money.
Will Rogers
(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator