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Warped sense of humor

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An Angel visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to get into Heaven.
The woman said she would try her best.

The Angel visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.

"Not bad" said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over to look in the freezer, my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs in high heels, he pulled up my skirt and made love to me right then and there."

"They don't like that in Heaven", said the Angel.
The woman replied: "They're not crazy about it in Costco either!"
 
Smart Kids...

A teacher asks the kids in her 5th grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while... banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply continue with the lesson.

"And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Larry's whore"
 
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