pirate ammo
Guaranteed to take the wind out of their sails
Wife or girlfriend,,or watch out for Kmart.
Warped sense of humor
- Thread starter Ringostar
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dave@aDave
Gold $$ Contributor
I'm so embarrassed!
Did you every go for years saying or doing something a particular way only to find out that you were doing it wrong?
For instance: I have discovered that I have been mis-pronouncing the name of the state of Oklahoma.
I have been saying "Oklahoma".
It should be pronounced "Okla...(pause)...homa".
Here is the proof:
I feel so silly.
Did you every go for years saying or doing something a particular way only to find out that you were doing it wrong?
For instance: I have discovered that I have been mis-pronouncing the name of the state of Oklahoma.
I have been saying "Oklahoma".
It should be pronounced "Okla...(pause)...homa".
Here is the proof:
I feel so silly.
KMart
Gold $$ Contributor
This was what AOC thought of the president.
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This was the president's response...
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QUAILIFIERS THAT ANNOUNCE YOU ARE AN EMPLOYEE OF A RURAL SHERIFF’S OFFICE
If your hat, belt and boots cost more than your sidearm.
If you know what a 'court gun' is.
If you have a 'court gun'.
If directions to a location involve livestock, property descriptions, or the words "When you get off the pavement."
If the winner of the last three bar room brawls was last years Homecoming Queen.
If dressing up for court involves pressed Wranglers and a Brushpopper shirt.
If anyone on the Department is named 'Bubba'.
If you don't know Bubba's real name.
If Bubba is his real name.
If you've ever gotten a confession from a critter by threatening him with either his Mama or God.
If your interview for the job involved the question: "Can you take a whuppin'?"
If you have more weapons and ammunition in your cruiser than most small nations have in their armies.
If you've ever had an 'Officer Involved Shooting' where the victim was a feral hog or other four-pawed critter with an appetite.
If the calibre of your sidearm is regarded as an artillery round in Europe.
If you've ever had to mediate a dispute concerning the paternity of a litter of puppies.
If you have the impression that the Feds regard your department as being marginally more civilized than the Viking Hordes.
If you think all back-up is 30 miles away and asleep in bed.
If you've ever gone to an emergency wearing only your hat, pajamas, gun and boots.
If spurs are a department-issued item.
Sigh.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
LawDog
If your hat, belt and boots cost more than your sidearm.
If you know what a 'court gun' is.
If you have a 'court gun'.
If directions to a location involve livestock, property descriptions, or the words "When you get off the pavement."
If the winner of the last three bar room brawls was last years Homecoming Queen.
If dressing up for court involves pressed Wranglers and a Brushpopper shirt.
If anyone on the Department is named 'Bubba'.
If you don't know Bubba's real name.
If Bubba is his real name.
If you've ever gotten a confession from a critter by threatening him with either his Mama or God.
If your interview for the job involved the question: "Can you take a whuppin'?"
If you have more weapons and ammunition in your cruiser than most small nations have in their armies.
If you've ever had an 'Officer Involved Shooting' where the victim was a feral hog or other four-pawed critter with an appetite.
If the calibre of your sidearm is regarded as an artillery round in Europe.
If you've ever had to mediate a dispute concerning the paternity of a litter of puppies.
If you have the impression that the Feds regard your department as being marginally more civilized than the Viking Hordes.
If you think all back-up is 30 miles away and asleep in bed.
If you've ever gone to an emergency wearing only your hat, pajamas, gun and boots.
If spurs are a department-issued item.
Sigh.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
LawDog
Could be a little thunder and windy wake up call there
Since the 'Dog seems to be *ahem* laying down on the job...
The Sheriff's Office gets a call from the local school. Seems there is a child in class who is displaying traits totally unlike his usual behavior; he is withdrawn, agitated, sleepy during class, won't talk about any problems at home.
Suspecting child abuse, there is an investigator heading for the child's house, and it is felt that an officer should be at hand, just in case.
Out goes LawDog. He and the investigator talk to the child, and it gradually comes out that sometime previously, the parents had been watching one of the horrid movies about homicidal dolls that come to life, not knowing that their child has snuck out of bed and is watching the movie from the bedroom doorway.
This has led to the child deciding that one of his stuffed toys is going to come to life and slaughter the family.
Mama and Daddy freak. 'Dog goes with the child and digs the toy out from under the pile of stuff in the workshop where the child has placed it for safety. Mama comforts the child, Daddy swears the toy is going into the garbage first thing, and the social worker is pontificating about the damage violent movies do to young psyches.
Nobody notices the 'Dog going out to the Super Scooter and getting on the radio.
Just like no one notices the city truck pulling up in front of the big bay window of the house.
The two city workers talking to the 'Dog and firing up the machinery being towed behind the city truck raise only mild curiosity.
*HOWEVER*, the sight of the 'Dog marching out to the truck, with the toy held at arms length with a secure grip about it's throat gets everybodys attention.
Of course, the fact that 'Dog has the muzzle of his pistol rammed firmly between the toys beady little eyes might have accounted for a bit of that fascination ...
And when he solemnly, and with the greatest of care not to allow the demonic toy the slightest chance to overpower him, slam-dunked the malevolent beastie into the chipper/shredder merrily grinding away on the back of the truck, one might say that the 'Dog had everyone's undivided attention.
The *piece de resistance* was when LawDog walked back into the house, tipped his hat to the child and stated: "You have anymore problems, you just give me a call." And headed back out on patrol.
Rumour has it that CPS filed a complaint. Rumour also has it that the Sheriff folded it into a paper airplane and sailed it across the office.
LawMom
The Sheriff's Office gets a call from the local school. Seems there is a child in class who is displaying traits totally unlike his usual behavior; he is withdrawn, agitated, sleepy during class, won't talk about any problems at home.
Suspecting child abuse, there is an investigator heading for the child's house, and it is felt that an officer should be at hand, just in case.
Out goes LawDog. He and the investigator talk to the child, and it gradually comes out that sometime previously, the parents had been watching one of the horrid movies about homicidal dolls that come to life, not knowing that their child has snuck out of bed and is watching the movie from the bedroom doorway.
This has led to the child deciding that one of his stuffed toys is going to come to life and slaughter the family.
Mama and Daddy freak. 'Dog goes with the child and digs the toy out from under the pile of stuff in the workshop where the child has placed it for safety. Mama comforts the child, Daddy swears the toy is going into the garbage first thing, and the social worker is pontificating about the damage violent movies do to young psyches.
Nobody notices the 'Dog going out to the Super Scooter and getting on the radio.
Just like no one notices the city truck pulling up in front of the big bay window of the house.
The two city workers talking to the 'Dog and firing up the machinery being towed behind the city truck raise only mild curiosity.
*HOWEVER*, the sight of the 'Dog marching out to the truck, with the toy held at arms length with a secure grip about it's throat gets everybodys attention.
Of course, the fact that 'Dog has the muzzle of his pistol rammed firmly between the toys beady little eyes might have accounted for a bit of that fascination ...
And when he solemnly, and with the greatest of care not to allow the demonic toy the slightest chance to overpower him, slam-dunked the malevolent beastie into the chipper/shredder merrily grinding away on the back of the truck, one might say that the 'Dog had everyone's undivided attention.
The *piece de resistance* was when LawDog walked back into the house, tipped his hat to the child and stated: "You have anymore problems, you just give me a call." And headed back out on patrol.
Rumour has it that CPS filed a complaint. Rumour also has it that the Sheriff folded it into a paper airplane and sailed it across the office.
LawMom
"Looks like KLA)(HOM to me."
Looks like KLA)(HOM to me. Gotta put more emphasis on the gap!
Looks like KLA)(HOM to me. Gotta put more emphasis on the gap!
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"Looks like KLA)(HOM to me."
Looks like KLA)(HOM to me. Gotta put more emphasis on the gap!
Okay, here ya go!
KLA . ) ( . HOM
lol. You too? I’ll keep looking til I figger out this mystery!
Here's one from actual experience.
I joined the Baltimore Police Department in 1958. Through most of my carrier, I worked in the low income, high crime areas. My first experience with a domestic dispute, working with an experienced partner, we found both them bloody and in a rage. After separating them, we learned that had been fighting like for most of their time together. My partner asked them if they were married and they both stated that they were married by common law.
My partner got a weird smile on his face and got them both together in front of him. He took both of their right hands and placed them on his badge. He then proclaimed, "Under the power vested in me by the City of Baltimore and the State of Maryland, I now proclaim that you are now divorced by common law." Gave the guy five minutes to gather his things and his dog and walked him to the door. Both of them thanked us profusely and we left. I can not tell you how many times I used this during my years as a cop.
I joined the Baltimore Police Department in 1958. Through most of my carrier, I worked in the low income, high crime areas. My first experience with a domestic dispute, working with an experienced partner, we found both them bloody and in a rage. After separating them, we learned that had been fighting like for most of their time together. My partner asked them if they were married and they both stated that they were married by common law.
My partner got a weird smile on his face and got them both together in front of him. He took both of their right hands and placed them on his badge. He then proclaimed, "Under the power vested in me by the City of Baltimore and the State of Maryland, I now proclaim that you are now divorced by common law." Gave the guy five minutes to gather his things and his dog and walked him to the door. Both of them thanked us profusely and we left. I can not tell you how many times I used this during my years as a cop.
After further study, I believe I have the answer
KLA )( HOM
KLA )( HOM
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rwj
Gold $$ Contributor
Do women now give them names?
Hehehehehe! I know that trick very well Nick! In Houston (early 1980s) in the same type of neighborhood, under the same or very similar conditions, we would make them "raise their right hands and proclaim "By the power invested in me by The State of Texas and The City of Houston, I now pronounce you Legally Divorced"! Now leave and NEVER come back! LOL!!! What a hoot!! What was even funnier was that it worked! To my knowledge none of them ever came back together! Hehehehehe....
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