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Little bit of humor for the day

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“Hello?”, “Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”
“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”
After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”
“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”
Brief Pause. “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
“Okay Daddy, just a minute.” A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”
“And what happened honey?” he asked.
“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”
“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”
“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”
***Long Pause***
Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool? …. Is this 486-5731?”
 
A young man married a beautiful woman who had married and divorced 10 other men.
On their wedding night she told her new husband “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin!”
‘How can that be possible if you’ve been married ten times.?’
‘Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he just kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he’d look into it and get back with me…
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it…
Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was …
God I miss him.
‘But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited’.
‘Wonderful’, said the husband, ‘but why?
To which she replied…
“You’re with the ‘GOVERNMENT‘, This time I KNOW I’M gonna get SCREWED.”:)
 
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