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Definition of Tools (Humor)

Snap ring pliers- for people who like to hear the snap ring click continually back in place while you try to remove it as the tip slips out of the hole. Squeeze...click, squeeze...click, squeeze...click, squeeze....click, squeeze...click, squeeze...click and then finally squeeze...................FLICK across the shop to the black abyss.
 
Powered flat wood planer. -- An electrically powered device designed to reduce your hearing acuity to a level where you won't become startled by your wife's shrieking about the noise you're making at eleven o'clock at night. jd
I saw a kid in shop class take a major part of his right hand off with one of those things in '68. What a mess..........
 

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