As you're observing, seating force does not directly correlate with neck tension.
That's because seating force is so greatly tied to friction, which is independent of tension.
The reality is that we currently hold no means to measure neck tension.
I've been messing with this likely for as long as K&M, and I've somewhat evolved to a different approach.
Instead of measuring seating force with bullets, I measure pre-seating force with an instrumented mandrel.
My necks are friction normalized in that I leave a lightly brushed carbon layer in place. No lubes otherwise.
With this I can see, before bullet seating, comparative tension differences, and then I can adjust each neck to match the rest. When they all match, then I seat bullets.
My adjustment, to get all necks matching, is neck sizing LENGTH.
So if I'm indicating ~5lbs less on a neck, I'll swing over to my Wilson neck sizer and add maybe ~10thou of sizing length, and measure pre-seating force again. It's trial & error until I get a match.
With ~5lbs too much, I'll run the neck through a larger expander mandrel, and resize the neck again and measure again, etc. If this sounds like a pain,, it can be. When it does get to be a pain, I dip anneal necks and start over with the batch.
This works for me because I stay close to brass elasticity. I don't over work it.
Neck tension is spring back force applied to an area (PSI). Necks only spring back 1/2-1thou, depending on cal & thickness. So there is no more force applied after that. It's just sizing (yielding) beyond.
Given this, I don't size necks to 3 or 4thou interference to get more tension.
A normal hardness neck sized down to 1thou interference is plenty, and I can adjust the gripping area of force provided, through sizing length, against seated bullet bearing.
Anyway, don't get caught up into converting tension (gripping force) from seating friction.
There is just no way to do that.
And understand that bullets are not pushed out of necks with firing pressure. Instead, bullets are released from even the tiniest of neck expansion, which occurs with way way less pressure.
It depends on case area, but I wouldn't be surprised if bullets are neck released within 10psi, as with less than a millionth of expansion, a bullet is swinging in the wind.