SEM
Gold $$ Contributor
Warped sense of humor
- Thread starter Ringostar
- Start date
- Status
USMCDOC
Silver $$ Contributor
that's too funny, pulled out from the gas station to the Mickey D's..
lol . . . same here
Deleted outa08
I guess this trooper flunked situational awareness class. But I`ll bet he/she hears the music ok.
Deleted outa08
Breaking news: NYC to pass a law to ban destruction of a watermelon or any other seed filled fruit or vegetable with a deadly weapon. de Blasio to sign law.
Donkey Balls
Dirty
Adam and his wife were taking a walk in the desert, just outside a city, to pass time. After having walked a little while, the couple wanted to check the time, out of curiosity, but Adam had forgotten his wristwatch back at the hotel.
They noticed a frail old man, sitting by his donkey in the hot sand, about a hundred meters away, and decided to ask him. "Excuse me sir, do you have the time?" The old man slowly nodded, turned towards his donkey, cupped the donkey's balls and lifted them slightly, about an inch. "It's 2:16, sir." The couple, astounded by what they had just seen, thanked the old man and went on their way, discussing about the odd event.
Time passed, and the couple still couldn't figure out how the old man had done it. They made their way back to him, and asked him again. "Excuse me sir, but do you have a watch?", Adam asked. "No, but I can tell you the time", the old man replied. He once again turned to his donkey, cupped the balls and lifted them, as if weighing them, and turned back. "It's currently 2:58." Once again, the couple walked off, thanking the man, and discussed what they'd just seen.
Nothing came of it, and they decided to go back one last time to the frail old man. "Excuse me," Adam said, "sorry to bother you again, but my wife and I were very curious as to how you could figure out the time of day simply by weighing your donkey's testicles." The old man chuckled, "You two aren't the first, but here sir, take a seat," as he got up from the hot sand. "Cup the balls, sir," he instructed. "Now lift them slightly, about an inch or so." "Now what?", Adam inquired. The old man went on. "Now look far off in the distance and tell me... do you see the big city clock?"
Dirty
Adam and his wife were taking a walk in the desert, just outside a city, to pass time. After having walked a little while, the couple wanted to check the time, out of curiosity, but Adam had forgotten his wristwatch back at the hotel.
They noticed a frail old man, sitting by his donkey in the hot sand, about a hundred meters away, and decided to ask him. "Excuse me sir, do you have the time?" The old man slowly nodded, turned towards his donkey, cupped the donkey's balls and lifted them slightly, about an inch. "It's 2:16, sir." The couple, astounded by what they had just seen, thanked the old man and went on their way, discussing about the odd event.
Time passed, and the couple still couldn't figure out how the old man had done it. They made their way back to him, and asked him again. "Excuse me sir, but do you have a watch?", Adam asked. "No, but I can tell you the time", the old man replied. He once again turned to his donkey, cupped the balls and lifted them, as if weighing them, and turned back. "It's currently 2:58." Once again, the couple walked off, thanking the man, and discussed what they'd just seen.
Nothing came of it, and they decided to go back one last time to the frail old man. "Excuse me," Adam said, "sorry to bother you again, but my wife and I were very curious as to how you could figure out the time of day simply by weighing your donkey's testicles." The old man chuckled, "You two aren't the first, but here sir, take a seat," as he got up from the hot sand. "Cup the balls, sir," he instructed. "Now lift them slightly, about an inch or so." "Now what?", Adam inquired. The old man went on. "Now look far off in the distance and tell me... do you see the big city clock?"
One day, Paul complained to his friend, "You know, my elbow is killing me. I guess I should see a doctor."
"Don't do that!" said his friend. "There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply feed the computer a sample of your urine and it will diagnose your problem for only bucks."
Paul figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and walked to the drug store. Then, he poured the urine sample into the computer and deposited bucks. The computer started making some noise and a number of lights started flashing. After a brief moment, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.'
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, Paul began to wonder if the computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his pet dog, and urine samples from both his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the mix.
The next day, Paul returned to drug store and poured the sample into the computer. Next, he deposited bucks. The computer started making some noise and a number of lights started flashing. After a brief moment, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
'Your tap water is too hard... get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm... bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine... put her in a rehab clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls and they aren't yours... get a lawyer. And, if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.'
"Don't do that!" said his friend. "There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply feed the computer a sample of your urine and it will diagnose your problem for only bucks."
Paul figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and walked to the drug store. Then, he poured the urine sample into the computer and deposited bucks. The computer started making some noise and a number of lights started flashing. After a brief moment, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.'
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, Paul began to wonder if the computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his pet dog, and urine samples from both his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the mix.
The next day, Paul returned to drug store and poured the sample into the computer. Next, he deposited bucks. The computer started making some noise and a number of lights started flashing. After a brief moment, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
'Your tap water is too hard... get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm... bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine... put her in a rehab clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls and they aren't yours... get a lawyer. And, if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.'
- Status
Upgrades & Donations
This Forum's expenses are primarily paid by member contributions. You can upgrade your Forum membership in seconds. Gold and Silver members get unlimited FREE classifieds for one year. Gold members can upload custom avatars.
Click Upgrade Membership Button ABOVE to get Gold or Silver Status.
You can also donate any amount, large or small, with the button below. Include your Forum Name in the PayPal Notes field.
To DONATE by CHECK, or make a recurring donation, CLICK HERE to learn how.
Click Upgrade Membership Button ABOVE to get Gold or Silver Status.
You can also donate any amount, large or small, with the button below. Include your Forum Name in the PayPal Notes field.
To DONATE by CHECK, or make a recurring donation, CLICK HERE to learn how.