Warped sense of humor

[GotRDid]

GotRDid.

 

[GotRDid]

GotRDid.

 

[GotRDid]

GotRDid.

 

[GotRDid]

GotRDid.

 

[GotRDid]

GotRDid.

 

[GotRDid]

GotRDid.

 

[GotRDid]

GotRDid.

 

[47WillysGuy]

 

[GotRDid]

The Texan

An 80-year-old Texas rancher goes to the Mayo clinic in Rochester for a check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'

'I'm from Texas and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm In such good shape. I'm up well before daylight riding herd and mending fences and when I'm not doing that, I'm out hunting or fishing. In the evening, I have a beer and all is well.'

'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?'

'Who said my father's dead?'

The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your father's still alive? How old is he?'

'He's 100 years old,' says the old Texan. 'In fact he worked with and hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a while and had some beer and that's why he's still alive. He's a Texas rancher and he's a hunter and fisherman too.'

'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your father's father? How old was he when he died?'

'Who said my Grandpa's dead?'

Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's' still alive?'

'He's 118 years old,' says the man.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went hunting with you this morning too?'

'No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?'

'Who said he wanted to?”

GotRDid.

 

[Danoh]

View attachment 1117018
GotRDid.

I like all these, but spewed coffee through my nose on this one!

 

[Knotwild]

I like them all..........because they are in one place and I don't have to look for them.

 

[okie]

View attachment 1116846

LMAO!!!!

 

[Nick Caprinolo]

 

[joshb]

View attachment 1117021
GotRDid.

After 3-4 looks........I finally got it!

 

[blackwidowp61]

Antoinette was unsure why she was issued condoms the night before the international war games event, but she tried to do her best to represent her country. It wasn't until the next morning, when one of her fellow female soldiers slipped one on the muzzle of her weapon, that the light came on.

 

[blackwidowp61]

50 Yards to the Outhouse by Willie Makit Illustrated by Betty Wont
A Great Plenty by E. Nuff
A Guide To Amphibians by Sal A. Mander
A New Dawn Coming by Tamara Morning
A New Invention by Pat Pending
A Stitch in Time by Justin Case
A Trip to the Dentist by Yin Pain
A Whole Lot of Cats by Kitten Caboodle
Admitting Defeat? by Ira Fuse
Allegiance to the King by Neil Downe
Almost Missed the Bus by Justin Time
Ambush! by May Bea Surprised
An Italian Without Funds by Noah Money
And the Other People by Allan D. Sundry
Animal Illnesses by Ann Thrax
April Fool! by Sue Prize
Are You Hungry? by Ava Banana
Armed Heists by Robin Banks
Artificial Clothing by Polly Ester
Artificial Weightlessness by Auntie Gravity
Assisting the Pianist by Page Turner
Athletic Wear by Jim Shorts
Bad Loss by Goodwin
Beekeeping by A. P. Arry
Being a Defense Attorney by Freida Convict
Being A Doctor by I. Fixx-Peeple
Being A Russian Deliveryman by I. Dropemoff
Being Incompetent by Hal Fast
Big Fart! by Hugh Jass
Bleak Outlook by O. Noh
Breaking the Law by Kermit A. Krime
Candle-Vaulting by Jack B. Nimble
Car Crashes by I. C. Rhodes
Chest Congestion by I. Koffalott
Christmas for Baldies by Yule Brynner
Christmas Music by Carol Singers
Cloning by Irma Dubble II
Come on in! by Doris Open
Computers for Dummies by P.C. Lerner
Cooking Beef by Stu Potts
Cooking Spaghetti by Al Dente
Covered Walkways by R. Kades
Crocodile Dundee by Ali Gator
Cry Wolf by Al Armist
Daddy are We There Yet? by Miles Away
Danger! by Luke Out
Death of a Watermelon by S. Platt
Deer Hunting by Buck Schott
Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Camel
Downpour! by Wayne Dwops

 

[blackwidowp61]

Droopy-Drawers, by Lucy Lastic
Early Native American Shelters by T.P. Hutt
Ecclesiastical Infractions by Cardinal Sinz
Emergency Housing by Rufus Quick
Equine Leg Cramps by Charlie Horses
Errors and Accidents by Miss Takes and Miss Haps
Everything’s In Focus by I.C. Clerly
Exercising on Wheels by Cy Kling
Exotic Irish Plants by Phil O'Dendron
Falling Trees by Tim Burr
Floating in the North Atlantic by I. C. E. Berg
Flogging in the Army by Corporal Punishment
Foot Problems of Big Lumberjacks by Paul Bunion
French Overpopulation by Francis Crowded
Full Moon by Seymour Buns
Gambling by Monty Carlo
Genetic Engineering by Gene Splicing
Gesundheit by A. Chu
Get Moving by Sheik Alegg
Get Out There! by Sally Forth
Girl on a Budget by Penny Pincher
Going Grocery Shopping By I. Gotta-Lyst
Golly Gosh! by G. Whiz
Good Works by Ben Evolent
Goofing Around by Lucy Goosy
Grave Mistakes by Paul Bearer
Gunslingers with Gas by Wyatt Urp
He Disappeared! by Otto Sight
Hot Dog! by Frank Furter
Housework by Dustin Cook
How I Got Sick by Mike Robes
How to Annoy by Aunt Agonize
How to Cut Grass by Lon Moore
How to Keep Fit by Jim Nasticks
Hypnotism by N. Tranced
I Didn't Do It! by Ivan Alibi
I Hate Fighting by Boris Hell
I Hate the Sun by Gladys Knight
I Like Fish by Ann Chovie
I Like Liquor by Ethyl Alcohol
I Like Weeding Gardens by Manuel Labour
I Lived in Detroit by Helen Earth
I Lost My Balance by Eileen Dover and Fel Down
I Love Crowds by Morris Merrier
I Love Fractions by Lois D. Nominator
I Love Mathematics by Adam Up
I Love Wills by Benny Fishery
I Must Fix the Car! by Otto Doit
I Need Insurance by Justin Case
I Say So! by Frank O. Pinion

 

[blackwidowp61]

I Was a Cloakroom Attendant by Mahatma Coate
I Win! by U. Lose
I Work with Gems by Jules Sparkle
If I Invited Him... by Woody Kum
I'll Go Second, by Hugo First
I'm Fine by Howard Yu
I'm In Trouble Again by O. Crapp
Irish Flooring by Lynn O'Leum
Is O.J. Guilty by Howard I. Know
It's a Holdup by Sue Spenders
It's a Shocker by Alec Tricity
It's Magic! by Sven Gali
It's Unfair! by Y. Me
Kangaroo Illnesses by Marcus Wallaby, M.D.
Keep Going! By Todd L. A. Long
Keep On Trying by Percy Veer
Laundry Soap by Armand Hammer
Lawyers and Suffering by Grin and Barrett
Learning to Fast Draw by Eubie Quick
Leo Tolstoy by Warren Peace
Let's Do it Now! by Igor Beaver
Life in Chicago by Wendy City
Looking for Excitement by I. M. Board
Los Angeles Pachyderms by L.A. Funt
Lots of Excitement by Hugh N. Cry
Making A Living by Robin Banks
Maritime Disasters by Andrea Doria
May Flowers by April Showers
Mensa Man by Gene Yuss
Mexican Revenge by Monty Zuma
Military Defeats by Major Disaster and General Mayhem
Military Rule by Marshall Law
Mineralogy for Giants by Chris Tall
Modern Tree Watches by Anna Log
Monkey Shines by Babs Boone
More for Your Money by Max Amize
Mosquito Bites by Ivan Itch
Mountain Climbing by Andover Hand
Music of the Sea by Lawrence Whelk
Musical Gunfighters by The Okay Chorale
My Lost Causes by Noah Veil
No Ethics by I. M. Morel
Noise is Forbidden! by Nada Loud
Off To Market by Tobias A. Pigg
Outdoor Activities by Alf Resco
Overweight Vegetables by O. Bees
Pain in My Body by Otis Leghurts
Pain Relief by Ann L. Gesick
Parachuting by Hugo First
Perverted Mushrooms by M. Morel

 

[blackwidowp61]

Planning an Escape by Isadore There
Poetry in Baseball by Homer
Poor Housekeeping by Lottie Dust
Procrastinating by I. May Doolittle
Pull With All You've Got! by Eve Ho
Rating Fast Food by Judge Berger
Red Vegetables by Bea Troot
Robots by Anne Droid
Rusty Springs by I.P. Knightly
Sea Birds by Al Batross
Senior Citizens by Jerry Attricks
Serving Drinks by Bart Enders
Ship Mysteries by Marie Celeste
Size Matters by Iva Biggun
Smart Beer Making by Bud Wiser
Smash Her Lobster! by Buster Crabbe
Snakes of the World by Anna Conda
Soak Your Ex-Husband by Ali Money
Songs from 'South Pacific' by Sam and Janet Evening
Spots On the Great Wall by Wu Flung Pu Ill. By Wu Flung Dung
Stop Arguing by Xavier Breath
String Instruments by Viola Player
Successful Realtors by Wee Listem-Wright
Surprised! by Omar Gosh
Taking on Water by Lee King
Taking The Back Trails by Dusty Rhodes
Teach Me! by I. Wanda Know
Terrible Doctor by Ima Quack
The Effects of Alcohol by Sir Osis of Liver
The Industrial Revolution by Otto Mattick
The Joys of Pig Farming by Chris P. Bacon
The Lion Attacked by Claude Anarmoff
The Modern Battery by Eva Ready
The Unknown Rodent by A. Nonny Mouse
The Yellow River by I. P. Freely
Theft and Robbery by Andi Tover
They Caught Me by I. B. Steeling
Those Funny Dogs by Joe Kur
Tiger’s Revenge by Claude Balz
Tis The Season by Mary Christmas
Tools of the Trade by Iva Hammer
Traffic Jam By Leanona Horn
Travelling Incognito by Ima Nonymous
Tug of War by Paul Hard
Two Thousand Pounds by Juan Ton
Tyrant of the Potatoes by Dick Tater
Under the Bleachers by Seymour Butz
Unsolved Mysteries by N. Igmas
Victor Hugo by Les Miserables
Webster's Words by Dick Shunnary

 

[blackwidowp61]

Whatchamacallit! by Thingum A. Bob
What's That? by Elle F. Ino
Where Are We? by Hu Noes
Where to Find Islands by Archie Pelago
Who Killed Cock Robin? by Howard I. Know
Why Cars Stop by M.T. Tank
Winning the Races by Victor Reese
Without Warning by Oliver Sudden
World Class Target Shooter by Ima Crack-Schott
Yellow River by I.P. Daly
You Want Me To Do What? by Shirley U. Jest
Your Dream House by Bill Jerome Holme
You're a Bundle of Laughs by Vera Funny