Whoppers!

[ern.santos]

whoppers + vanilla ice cream + milk + bourbon + blender = win

wait, bourbon should be the first ingredient...

 

[snert]

The fact is, that probably most of us who have spent 50 or sixty years killing critters for a hobby or a living, have made some pretty unbelievable shots, and seen a lot of things that would likely be called outright bullshit.

I've seen some, and done some that are so crazy that most folks would roll their eyes in disbelief. Might as well just have a little fun and make up something even crazier. I think this thread has created a certified legal whopper zone. jd

Shot a grouse on the wing with a Ruger MK2 Government model. (He lit out from a pine tree top in a bunch of trees in rows.) I was in the row and he was incoming, high overhead, like the last high house center station. I dumped most of a mag and hit him once. Not a whopper. But I was more surprised than he was....

 

[jds holler]

You've seen some of the pics where I shoot ground squirrels, and there's been a few times when I got two with one shot. One of my best though, was---

Silvergrey squirrel running straight away from me on a deserted logging road. I had my Ruger Single Six waiting for him to stop - which he finally did - about a hundred yards out. I carefully squeeeeezzzd the trigger and... hit about three feet in front of him.

But I got him on the bounce. jd

 

[dryhumor]

Years ago…

I used to hunt an old plantation that bordered the Savannah River. There were some aerial photographs of the place in the old house from the 1960s. Was looking at them one day and noticed a nice feature in the river. Got to thinking about fishing, and decided to give it a try the next day. I already knew were one of the corners was by the water, and studied the photos to differentiate the features to get to the right spot. This was waaay before GPS.

Anyway, the landing was about 3 miles upstream and I put in at daylight and started out. Found the corner and started really eyeing the features heading further down river. Found the bluff I was looking for, and sure enough, there was the feature about a third of the way from the Georgia side. Got situated and anchored on the upside, trying to angle into the eddy swirl with my lines.

Started out using chicken livers… promptly caught a nice blue catfish that weighed about 8 pounds. That kept up for about a half hour. I had caught and released about twenty- if they didn’t swallow the hook. I had 8 in the boat.

Decided that chicken livers were just a bit too fragile and changed over to hog livers. Welp, I started catching blues and channel cats that were averaging around 20-25 pounds. Decided again, that I would release anything that hadn’t swallowed the hook and ended up with 14 in the boat.

That got me thinking that surely there were bigger cats in the river… I had been to the coast a few weeks previously and had bought 20 pounds of fresh shrimp off one to the boats when it came in. I had set aside 5 pounds to fish with and had frozen them. I baited up with shrimp after re rigging with a different hook and dropped a line.

Zzzzzzzzzzip, the line shot out, the rod bent nearly to breaking. Holy crap. Fighting that fish running downstream and the current sure took a minute. Was using 30 pound line. I had some serious concerns it was going to break. Finally got the fish next to boat. Big old blue about 3 1/2 feet long. Got it in the boat, and re rigged a hook. Re baited and drop the line. Zzzzzzzzzip…. I caught 6 of them all about 3-4 feet long. The dadgum boat was barely above water at that point. I figured it might be a good idea to head in.

Then I got the feeling something was watching me…

 

[snert]

Years ago…

I used to hunt an old plantation that bordered the Savannah River. There were some aerial photographs of the place in the old house from the 1960s. Was looking at them one day and noticed a nice feature in the river. Got to thinking about fishing, and decided to give it a try the next day. I already knew were one of the corners was by the water, and studied the photos to differentiate the features to get to the right spot. This was waaay before GPS.

Anyway, the landing was about 3 miles upstream and I put in at daylight and started out. Found the corner and started really eyeing the features heading further down river. Found the bluff I was looking for, and sure enough, there was the feature about a third of the way from the Georgia side. Got situated and anchored on the upside, trying to angle into the eddy swirl with my lines.

Started out using chicken livers… promptly caught a nice blue catfish that weighed about 8 pounds. That kept up for about a half hour. I had caught and released about twenty- if they didn’t swallow the hook. I had 8 in the boat.

Decided that chicken livers were just a bit too fragile and changed over to hog livers. Welp, I started catching blues and channel cats that were averaging around 20-25 pounds. Decided again, that I would release anything that hadn’t swallowed the hook and ended up with 14 in the boat.

That got me thinking that surely there were bigger cats in the river… I had been to the coast a few weeks previously and had bought 20 pounds of fresh shrimp off one to the boats when it came in. I had set aside 5 pounds to fish with and had frozen them. I baited up with shrimp after re rigging with a different hook and dropped a line.

Zzzzzzzzzzip, the line shot out, the rod bent nearly to breaking. Holy crap. Fighting that fish running downstream and the current sure took a minute. Was using 30 pound line. I had some serious concerns it was going to break. Finally got the fish next to boat. Big old blue about 3 1/2 feet long. Got it in the boat, and re rigged a hook. Re baited and drop the line. Zzzzzzzzzip…. I caught 6 of them all about 3-4 feet long. The dadgum boat was barely above water at that point. I figured it might be a good idea to head in.

Then I got the feeling something was watching me…

oh, waiting with anticipation for this one!

 

[KMart]

This is about the best tale I've ever heard

 

[Exercion]

The fact is, that probably most of us who have spent 50 or sixty years killing critters for a hobby or a living, have made some pretty unbelievable shots, and seen a lot of things that would likely be called outright bullshit.

I've seen some, and done some that are so crazy that most folks would roll their eyes in disbelief. Might as well just have a little fun and make up something even crazier. I think this thread has created a certified legal whopper zone. jd

True that. I've seen a lot of interesting shots in competitions, and made a couple too. My favorite witnessed shot involved an air rifle and a blackbird (could been a crow). My friend and I were in the house I grew up in and spotted this bird across two vacant lots beside our place. I had no idea what the distance was (just measured on Google earth cause I was curious, about 45yds), so I guessed with my cheap Chinese-built break barrel air rifle and sent an rws superpoint at it. The bird took off, so I figured I scared it, but once it got about telephone pole high, it dropped out of the sky. I either hit it, or scared it into a heart attack.

 

[jds holler]

Several years ago, in the month of January, a partner and I were coyote hunting on the high desert of Eastern Oregon. It was about as cold as it gets in that area with recorded temps in the -20's and even -30's recorded in the town of Burns.

We were sleeping in a steel Gem-Top canopy on the back of my Ford, and the thing was literally like an icebox only colder.

The first morning, when the alarm went off at 5AM I managed to light the Coleman lantern to provide light and some blessed warmth. I laid my head back down to muster up the courage to get moving, and noticed there was icy crystals floating around in the air. In a minute or two, I heard a weird PFFFTT noise. I started looking around to figure out what caused it, and then another BRAAATTT. This time I saw one of the crystals disappear with the noise. It was a foul smell that clued me in as to what was going on. --- those crystals were actually frozen farts drifting around, and as the atmosphere warmed up, they started reacting as a fart is sposed to. There wasn't much we could do but wait for the warmth to set them off, and put up with the sound and smell that we'd been deprived of during the night. Dang that was cold!! jd

 

[dryhumor]

Years ago…

I used to hunt an old plantation that bordered the Savannah River. There were some aerial photographs of the place in the old house from the 1960s. Was looking at them one day and noticed a nice feature in the river. Got to thinking about fishing, and decided to give it a try the next day. I already knew were one of the corners was by the water, and studied the photos to differentiate the features to get to the right spot. This was waaay before GPS.

Anyway, the landing was about 3 miles upstream and I put in at daylight and started out. Found the corner and started really eyeing the features heading further down river. Found the bluff I was looking for, and sure enough, there was the feature about a third of the way from the Georgia side. Got situated and anchored on the upside, trying to angle into the eddy swirl with my lines.

Started out using chicken livers… promptly caught a nice blue catfish that weighed about 8 pounds. That kept up for about a half hour. I had caught and released about twenty- if they didn’t swallow the hook. I had 8 in the boat.

Decided that chicken livers were just a bit too fragile and changed over to hog livers. Welp, I started catching blues and channel cats that were averaging around 20-25 pounds. Decided again, that I would release anything that hadn’t swallowed the hook and ended up with 14 in the boat.

That got me thinking that surely there were bigger cats in the river… I had been to the coast a few weeks previously and had bought 20 pounds of fresh shrimp off one to the boats when it came in. I had set aside 5 pounds to fish with and had frozen them. I baited up with shrimp after re rigging with a different hook and dropped a line.

Zzzzzzzzzzip, the line shot out, the rod bent nearly to breaking. Holy crap. Fighting that fish running downstream and the current sure took a minute. Was using 30 pound line. I had some serious concerns it was going to break. Finally got the fish next to boat. Big old blue about 3 1/2 feet long. Got it in the boat, and re rigged a hook. Re baited and drop the line. Zzzzzzzzzip…. I caught 6 of them all about 3-4 feet long. The dadgum boat was barely above water at that point. I figured it might be a good idea to head in.

Then I got the feeling something was watching me…

Then I got the feeling something was watching me…

My concern was an alligator, I figured as low in the water as that boat was, even a 2 footer could swamp it. Looked all around and didn’t see any. Looked over on the Georgia side, nothing. Looked over on the South Carolina side…

Son of a ….. There standing over the river where the little bluff peaked… was a pretty dang good buck. I looked at him. He looked at me. I looked at him. He looked at me. The thought crossed my mind that I needed to hunt that buck in the morning. Well… I’m pretty sure that buck read my mind. It seemed like he shook his head no, turned, muscled his way back into a thicket. Brushing aside smaller saplings with his antlers.

Aside from a couple pucker moments getting that boat up river and onto the trailer, it was pretty uneventful; me thinking the whole way back about that deer. It just seemed like there was something not quite right, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

The next day at daybreak I found myself at the end of a new logging road a crew was working off of. I got all my stuff situated shot my line with a compass, and headed out. It was pretty rough going through that swamp. Fortunately it was cool enough the snakes weren’t about. It took about a hour to get close to where I needed to be, most of it walking through 4-6 inches of water.

Noticed ahead the woods had changed. I had found that bluff’s beginnings. It was a good patch of old growth timber. Longleaf pines and big study oaks. The closer I got the slower I moved. I had a slight breeze coming towards me from the river. I decided I would stalk a parallel zig zag to the river, up and down stream.

I had one circuit and was halfway through the second and came across a rub tree. Hole Lee smokes… I had never seen a 24 inch diameter tree that tore up. The closer I looked, the more I realized that not only had the brow times tore up the face, but that the ends of the main beams had tore up the face on the other side.

Finished that circuit and started the next one. About 2/3 through I smelled him. A quick look and a choice and I moved to about the best possible position I could see. I leaned up against the back of a tree and waited.

There! A sliver of brown. A sliver of white. The curve. A speck of antlers. As he continued slowly forward I could see more and more. I decided that I needed him to get a certain tree between he and I so I could raise my rifle. He got there. I raised the rifle and watched through the scope. I saw an antler come clear, a nose, eyes… I watched as he licked his nose and sniffed hard. Crap. I watched his tail start sticking straight out as he continued to wet his nose and sniff. Come on, two more steps. Gimme two more steps. About a minute later he did.

I picked a spot on his neck… PIEYOW…. Nothing. I chambered another round and looked through the scope. I could see two things. Blood trickling from the entry wound and the buck looking around like “what was that?” I shot again an inch or so off from the first impact. PIEYOW…. I saw him still standing. I chambered another round and got the scope on him. At this time I could see blood pouring… Surely I don’t need another round, he then just dropped.

I needed to sit down at that point. There was just a bit too much andrenaline flowing. I started to look closer at that deer. I noticed that the antlers were keeping his entire head off of the ground. Dang. Then I started to notice that I seemed to be a bit farther away than I was thinking. Dang. I jumped up and paced out 123 steps to that deer. When I got to really look at him close, I had two thoughts. His body was as big as a propane tank. And, how am I gonna get this guy out of the swamp.

I decided I could probably get the loggers’ tree skidder back into there. I gutted the buck, took out my compass and started out. I had a roll of flagging tape to use to get me a good route for the machine to navigate. Got out, grabbed my chainsaw, and checked the skidder… had to “borrow start” it. Started back, pretty uneventful except for the six trees I had to fell to get the skidder past. Got to the deer and rigged it up and drug it out.

Wouldn’t ya know it… that buck was just too big to fit into the bed of my Toyota 4x4. Looked around a few seconds and decided to borrow start an excavator parked there. Got the buck in the air and proceeded to skin, cut, chuck, and pile it in the truck bed.

Getting out on that logging road was a bit tricky. Seems the weight in the rear had the steering wheels just barely touching the road. It got even more tricky on the paved roads. I had to bump brakes, and steer when the weight shifted.

Got home in the dark. Further cut, chunked, de boned, washed and bagged, and got the meat in the freezer. I looked at the head…. I figured I’d better get it situated. I caped the skull, cabled it to a tree so varmint wouldn’t drag it off, and dropped into bed at 4am. 24 hours makes for a long day…

4pm came way too early. I woke needing food and coffee. Sliced and fried a slab of Spam and ate the sandwich with coffee. I was absentmindedly looking out the window when I noticed a fox squirrel cross the yard. Cool I thought, having seen them every now and then. What? There goes two more… that’s odd. Dang another one…..

Oh crap!!!! The antlers!!!! I jumped up and ran out the back door onto the porch.

Melee… kind of seems like the right word. There were grey squirrels and fox squirrels, one big old burly looking raccoon, and three crows standing on the clothesline watching the excitement. There were several squirrels laying on their sides, several fox squirrels on their backs with big bellies sticking up in air and looking miserable. As I stood gobsmacked… a grey and fox started fighting over that last nub of antler still on the skull. That burly coon sidled in a started gnawing on the nub when the two fighters moved off. Them squirrels had turned them antlers into squirrel…

I just stood there, dumbfounded, and felt a tear slowly run down my cheek.