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Laugh for the Day

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“Hello?”, “Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”
“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”
Brief Pause. “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
“Okay Daddy, just a minute.” A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”
“And what happened honey?” he asked.
“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”
“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”
“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”
***Long Pause***
Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool? …. Is this 486-5731?”​
 
  • BUSY DAY AT THE PEARLY GATES.


    The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one.

    "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed
    she had just got out of the shower.

    Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely
    dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for
    her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and
    found the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was so angry
    that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and
    fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.

    On seeing he was still alive I found superhuman strength to drag our
    antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man
    and killed him. At this point, the stress got to me and I suffered a
    massive heart attack and died.”

    Saint Peter thanked him for his story and sent him on to the waiting room.

    The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.

    "I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC
    equipment and I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I
    managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but
    some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a
    flower pot.

    I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked
    up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the
    way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest.”

    Saint Peter couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the
    waiting room. Saint Peter is still chuckling when his third customer
    of the day enters. He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day
    was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before
    you.”

    "I don't know," replies the man. "Picture this, I'm naked, hiding in
    this cedar chest...
 
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