A lot of members will find "0" humor in that.
I'm one
Warped sense of humor
- Thread starter Ringostar
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I'm one
KMart
Gold $$ Contributor
Good by
garandman
Bolt Gun Bodacious
Over population by deer threaten crops, damage landscaping, they spread disease and endanger human life and property on highway.
I apologize if my unromantisized view of Bambi and my little offhand "warped" joke offends anyone.
(sigh)
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That is because the flash is dubbed in and not coming from the rounds. Hollywood!
garandman
Bolt Gun Bodacious
Exactly. I posted a joke... not someting intended to be scientifically analyzed as to its precise moral, technical and ballistic merits.
Its ok. Really. I dont actually want both civilian owned M60s legalized for hunting.
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Slaughter deer rather than hunt....uncool. Depredation hunts are one thing, this is another.
Same thing could be said about humans.
Now that's twisted if you think about it.
Apology accepted
Brett
Now on to humor....
This 1's for pirate ammo
Why did the pirate cross the road????
There was a 2nd hand store on the other side.
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garandman
Bolt Gun Bodacious
Accepted. Or "excepted? " There's a *big* difference. They are really kinda opposites.
Warped = comparing a deer life to a human life. You win the "warped" award, on that one.
Quit while yer only *way* behind.
mjl650
Gold $$ Contributor
A little long but funny.
Men Are Just Happier People!
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park – for that matter, you can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress? $5,000. Tuxedo rental? $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood pretty much all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
MORNING
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Men Are Just Happier People!
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park – for that matter, you can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress? $5,000. Tuxedo rental? $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood pretty much all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
MORNING
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Now if you had said that you would like to have one of those to deplete the population of feral hogs, which are causing a hell of a lot more damage than any deer herd of comparable size and breed like rabbits, I think it would have gone over a lot better. Just my .02.
garandman
Bolt Gun Bodacious
Im over it. I suggest the same for you. Go back to the humor I so *** OBVIOUSLY *** intended in suggesting we legalize the M60 for deer hunting.
SMH. You would think there is cash money in people getting "offended" over foolish things
Damn smart phones anyway "ACCEPTED your apology "Accepted. Or "excepted? " There's a *big* difference. They are really kinda opposites.
Warped = comparing a deer life to a human life. You win the "warped" award, on that one.
Quit while yer only *way* behind.
And as far as behind there's nothing wrong with getting a lil behind!
And yes people are fuk't up, destroying the land ,wasting of resources including game, creating accidents, destroying people's property the list goes on. Yet they still breath the same air we do. Enough of that crap.
Soooooo.
If it takes a chicken and a half, a day and a half, to lay an egg and a half.
How long does it take a rooster to lay a doorknob?
You give up?
Well don't feel bad
So did the rooster!!
Have a blessed day!
rwj
Gold $$ Contributor
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