Warped sense of humor

[GotRDid]

GotRDid.

 

[Rick300]

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ’You died in your sleep, Ralph.’
Ralph was stunned. ’I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!’
St. Peter said, ’I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.’
Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. ’So, you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here?’
’Not bad,' replied Ralph the hen, but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I’m gonna explode!’
’You’re ovulating,’ explained the rooster. ’Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before? ’
"Never," said Ralph.
Well, just relax and let it happen, says the rooster. ’It’s no big deal.’
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....
"Ralph! Wake up you dirty bastard. You shit the bed!!"

 

[GotRDid]

GotRDid.

 

[GotRDid]

GotRDid.

 

[GotRDid]

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[GotRDid]

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[GotRDid]

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[GotRDid]

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[GotRDid]

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[GotRDid]

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[GotRDid]

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[GotRDid]

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[GotRDid]

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[GotRDid]

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[GotRDid]

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[GotRDid]

GotRDid.

 

[dave@aDave]

 

[mikeinct]

Watch this Jerry Lee Fans: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD8YPY8RBQc "Follow That Killer!"

 

[dave@aDave]

I remember when "The Killer" married his cousin.
Caused a bigger stink than when University of Kentucky gets beat by University of Louisville.
I'm old enough to remember when Frank Sinatra had girls acting stupid.

 

[KMart]

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin


In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem. George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin


I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin


Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? George Carlin


Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin


People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin


A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. George Carlin


If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? George Carlin


Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin


No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to. George Carlin


Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s’ self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin


If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? George Carlin

George Carlin is a fine example of a person with an excessively large warped sense of humor.....and made a decent living at it. He would have never gotten started in todays climate. The PC police would have him shut down.