Ok, this is really old. Most of you have probably seen it on the 'net. I've seen several versions over the years. Still makes me laugh. Trying to keep it a little cleaner, I did change it up a little. The "F" words to eff'ing which isn't quite as funny so, in your head, think of "fu<k!ng" every time you see "eff'ing".
kalifornian visits Kettle Falls , WA in the spring falls in love with the area builds big beautiful house! summer temp hit 105, winter temp hits 0, house goes up for sale sadly at Kalifornia prices
Diary - A Californian moves to Idaho
Dec. 8 5pm – it’s starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we’ve seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window watching the snowflakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful.
Dec. 9 – We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic site. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I shoveled both our driveway and sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled our driveway again.
Dec. 10 – It snowed an additional 6 inches last night and the temperature has dropped to about 11 degrees. Several limbs from the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled again. Shortly after, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.
Dec. 11 – It warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145 to a Chiropractor but, nothing broken. More snow and ice expected.
Dec. 12 – Still cold. The wife wants a wood stove in case the power goes out. I think that’s silly, we aren’t in Alaska, after all. More shoveling in store for me today. Had another 8 inches of that white shit last night. Sold the wife’s car and bought a 4x4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did considerable damage to the right rear quarter panel. Both vehicles covered with salt and crud. That goddamn snowplow came by twice today.
Dec. 13 – 2 degrees outside. More eff’ing snow. Not a tree or shrub on my property that hasn’t been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with a kerosene heater which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost most of my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on the way to the emergency room and was totaled! Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove but, won’t admit it to her. I hate it when she’s right.
Dec. 14 – Goddamn mother eff’ing white shit keeps on coming down. Took me 45 minutes to put on all the clothes I own to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, I’ll chew open his chest and rip his heart out. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street at about 60 PMH and buries our driveway again. Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.
Dec. 15 – 6 goddamn more eff’ing inches of eff’ing snow and eff’ing sleet and eff’ing ice and god knows what other kind of white eff’ing shit fell last night. I wounded the eff’ing snowplow asshole with my shovel but, he got away. Wife left me. The car won’t start. I think I’m going snow-blind. I can’t move my toes. More eff’ing snow expected tonight. I’m moving back to sunny California.