Warped sense of humor

Discussion in 'Main Message Board' started by Ringostar, Jun 5, 2019.

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  1. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

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  2. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

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  3. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

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  4. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

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  5. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

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  6. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

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  7. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

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  8. 47WillysGuy

    47WillysGuy Gold $$ Contributor

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  9. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

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    The Texan

    An 80-year-old Texas rancher goes to the Mayo clinic in Rochester for a check-up.

    The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'

    'I'm from Texas and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm In such good shape. I'm up well before daylight riding herd and mending fences and when I'm not doing that, I'm out hunting or fishing. In the evening, I have a beer and all is well.'

    'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?'

    'Who said my father's dead?'

    The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your father's still alive? How old is he?'

    'He's 100 years old,' says the old Texan. 'In fact he worked with and hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a while and had some beer and that's why he's still alive. He's a Texas rancher and he's a hunter and fisherman too.'

    'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your father's father? How old was he when he died?'

    'Who said my Grandpa's dead?'

    Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's' still alive?'

    'He's 118 years old,' says the man.

    The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went hunting with you this morning too?'

    'No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'

    At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?'

    'Who said he wanted to?”

    GotRDid.
     
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  10. Danoh

    Danoh Gold $$ Contributor

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    I like all these, but spewed coffee through my nose on this one!
     
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  11. Knotwild

    Knotwild

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    I like them all..........because they are in one place and I don't have to look for them.
     
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  12. okie

    okie Gold $$ Contributor

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  13. Nick Caprinolo

    Nick Caprinolo

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  14. joshb

    joshb Gold $$ Contributor

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  15. blackwidowp61

    blackwidowp61

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    Antoinette was unsure why she was issued condoms the night before the international war games event, but she tried to do her best to represent her country. It wasn't until the next morning, when one of her fellow female soldiers slipped one on the muzzle of her weapon, that the light came on.
     
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  16. blackwidowp61

    blackwidowp61

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    50 Yards to the Outhouse by Willie Makit Illustrated by Betty Wont
    A Great Plenty by E. Nuff
    A Guide To Amphibians by Sal A. Mander
    A New Dawn Coming by Tamara Morning
    A New Invention by Pat Pending
    A Stitch in Time by Justin Case
    A Trip to the Dentist by Yin Pain
    A Whole Lot of Cats by Kitten Caboodle
    Admitting Defeat? by Ira Fuse
    Allegiance to the King by Neil Downe
    Almost Missed the Bus by Justin Time
    Ambush! by May Bea Surprised
    An Italian Without Funds by Noah Money
    And the Other People by Allan D. Sundry
    Animal Illnesses by Ann Thrax
    April Fool! by Sue Prize
    Are You Hungry? by Ava Banana
    Armed Heists by Robin Banks
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    Artificial Weightlessness by Auntie Gravity
    Assisting the Pianist by Page Turner
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    Being a Defense Attorney by Freida Convict
    Being A Doctor by I. Fixx-Peeple
    Being A Russian Deliveryman by I. Dropemoff
    Being Incompetent by Hal Fast
    Big Fart! by Hugh Jass
    Bleak Outlook by O. Noh
    Breaking the Law by Kermit A. Krime
    Candle-Vaulting by Jack B. Nimble
    Car Crashes by I. C. Rhodes
    Chest Congestion by I. Koffalott
    Christmas for Baldies by Yule Brynner
    Christmas Music by Carol Singers
    Cloning by Irma Dubble II
    Come on in! by Doris Open
    Computers for Dummies by P.C. Lerner
    Cooking Beef by Stu Potts
    Cooking Spaghetti by Al Dente
    Covered Walkways by R. Kades
    Crocodile Dundee by Ali Gator
    Cry Wolf by Al Armist
    Daddy are We There Yet? by Miles Away
    Danger! by Luke Out
    Death of a Watermelon by S. Platt
    Deer Hunting by Buck Schott
    Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Camel
    Downpour! by Wayne Dwops
     
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  17. blackwidowp61

    blackwidowp61

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    Droopy-Drawers, by Lucy Lastic
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    Emergency Housing by Rufus Quick
    Equine Leg Cramps by Charlie Horses
    Errors and Accidents by Miss Takes and Miss Haps
    Everything’s In Focus by I.C. Clerly
    Exercising on Wheels by Cy Kling
    Exotic Irish Plants by Phil O'Dendron
    Falling Trees by Tim Burr
    Floating in the North Atlantic by I. C. E. Berg
    Flogging in the Army by Corporal Punishment
    Foot Problems of Big Lumberjacks by Paul Bunion
    French Overpopulation by Francis Crowded
    Full Moon by Seymour Buns
    Gambling by Monty Carlo
    Genetic Engineering by Gene Splicing
    Gesundheit by A. Chu
    Get Moving by Sheik Alegg
    Get Out There! by Sally Forth
    Girl on a Budget by Penny Pincher
    Going Grocery Shopping By I. Gotta-Lyst
    Golly Gosh! by G. Whiz
    Good Works by Ben Evolent
    Goofing Around by Lucy Goosy
    Grave Mistakes by Paul Bearer
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    He Disappeared! by Otto Sight
    Hot Dog! by Frank Furter
    Housework by Dustin Cook
    How I Got Sick by Mike Robes
    How to Annoy by Aunt Agonize
    How to Cut Grass by Lon Moore
    How to Keep Fit by Jim Nasticks
    Hypnotism by N. Tranced
    I Didn't Do It! by Ivan Alibi
    I Hate Fighting by Boris Hell
    I Hate the Sun by Gladys Knight
    I Like Fish by Ann Chovie
    I Like Liquor by Ethyl Alcohol
    I Like Weeding Gardens by Manuel Labour
    I Lived in Detroit by Helen Earth
    I Lost My Balance by Eileen Dover and Fel Down
    I Love Crowds by Morris Merrier
    I Love Fractions by Lois D. Nominator
    I Love Mathematics by Adam Up
    I Love Wills by Benny Fishery
    I Must Fix the Car! by Otto Doit
    I Need Insurance by Justin Case
    I Say So! by Frank O. Pinion
     
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  18. blackwidowp61

    blackwidowp61

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    I Was a Cloakroom Attendant by Mahatma Coate
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    I'll Go Second, by Hugo First
    I'm Fine by Howard Yu
    I'm In Trouble Again by O. Crapp
    Irish Flooring by Lynn O'Leum
    Is O.J. Guilty by Howard I. Know
    It's a Holdup by Sue Spenders
    It's a Shocker by Alec Tricity
    It's Magic! by Sven Gali
    It's Unfair! by Y. Me
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    My Lost Causes by Noah Veil
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    Overweight Vegetables by O. Bees
    Pain in My Body by Otis Leghurts
    Pain Relief by Ann L. Gesick
    Parachuting by Hugo First
    Perverted Mushrooms by M. Morel
     
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  19. blackwidowp61

    blackwidowp61

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    Planning an Escape by Isadore There
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    Taking The Back Trails by Dusty Rhodes
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    Terrible Doctor by Ima Quack
    The Effects of Alcohol by Sir Osis of Liver
    The Industrial Revolution by Otto Mattick
    The Joys of Pig Farming by Chris P. Bacon
    The Lion Attacked by Claude Anarmoff
    The Modern Battery by Eva Ready
    The Unknown Rodent by A. Nonny Mouse
    The Yellow River by I. P. Freely
    Theft and Robbery by Andi Tover
    They Caught Me by I. B. Steeling
    Those Funny Dogs by Joe Kur
    Tiger’s Revenge by Claude Balz
    Tis The Season by Mary Christmas
    Tools of the Trade by Iva Hammer
    Traffic Jam By Leanona Horn
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    Two Thousand Pounds by Juan Ton
    Tyrant of the Potatoes by Dick Tater
    Under the Bleachers by Seymour Butz
    Unsolved Mysteries by N. Igmas
    Victor Hugo by Les Miserables
    Webster's Words by Dick Shunnary
     
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  20. blackwidowp61

    blackwidowp61

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    Whatchamacallit! by Thingum A. Bob
    What's That? by Elle F. Ino
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    Where to Find Islands by Archie Pelago
    Who Killed Cock Robin? by Howard I. Know
    Why Cars Stop by M.T. Tank
    Winning the Races by Victor Reese
    Without Warning by Oliver Sudden
    World Class Target Shooter by Ima Crack-Schott
    Yellow River by I.P. Daly
    You Want Me To Do What? by Shirley U. Jest
    Your Dream House by Bill Jerome Holme
    You're a Bundle of Laughs by Vera Funny
     
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