Warped sense of humor

Discussion in 'Main Message Board' started by Ringostar, Jun 5, 2019.

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  1. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

    Apr 15, 2009
    blackwidowp61 and Immike like this.
  2. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

    Apr 15, 2009
    MikeT49, tmwinds, CT10ring and 3 others like this.
  3. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

    Apr 15, 2009
    PRR1957, Mark W, MikeT49 and 4 others like this.
  4. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

    Apr 15, 2009
    'Freak, 338 Mollett and Immike like this.
  5. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

    Apr 15, 2009
    joshb, dogdude, Bc'z and 1 other person like this.
  6. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

    Apr 15, 2009
  7. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

    Apr 15, 2009
  8. 47WillysGuy

    47WillysGuy Gold $$ Contributor

    Dec 7, 2012
  9. GotRDid

    GotRDid Silver $$ Contributor

    Apr 15, 2009
    The Texan

    An 80-year-old Texas rancher goes to the Mayo clinic in Rochester for a check-up.

    The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'

    'I'm from Texas and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm In such good shape. I'm up well before daylight riding herd and mending fences and when I'm not doing that, I'm out hunting or fishing. In the evening, I have a beer and all is well.'

    'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?'

    'Who said my father's dead?'

    The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your father's still alive? How old is he?'

    'He's 100 years old,' says the old Texan. 'In fact he worked with and hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a while and had some beer and that's why he's still alive. He's a Texas rancher and he's a hunter and fisherman too.'

    'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your father's father? How old was he when he died?'

    'Who said my Grandpa's dead?'

    Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's' still alive?'

    'He's 118 years old,' says the man.

    The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went hunting with you this morning too?'

    'No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'

    At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?'

    'Who said he wanted to?”

    'Freak, 338 Mollett, MikeT49 and 12 others like this.
  10. Danoh

    Danoh Gold $$ Contributor

    Feb 7, 2017
    I like all these, but spewed coffee through my nose on this one!
    GotRDid likes this.
  11. Knotwild


    Dec 21, 2010
    I like them all..........because they are in one place and I don't have to look for them.
    Rustytigwire and GotRDid like this.
  12. okie

    okie Gold $$ Contributor

    Jan 30, 2007
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  13. Nick Caprinolo

    Nick Caprinolo

    Jul 18, 2018
  14. joshb

    joshb Gold $$ Contributor

    Oct 5, 2014
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  15. blackwidowp61


    Dec 6, 2017

    Antoinette was unsure why she was issued condoms the night before the international war games event, but she tried to do her best to represent her country. It wasn't until the next morning, when one of her fellow female soldiers slipped one on the muzzle of her weapon, that the light came on.
    338 Mollett, GotRDid and Immike like this.
  16. blackwidowp61


    Dec 6, 2017
    50 Yards to the Outhouse by Willie Makit Illustrated by Betty Wont
    A Great Plenty by E. Nuff
    A Guide To Amphibians by Sal A. Mander
    A New Dawn Coming by Tamara Morning
    A New Invention by Pat Pending
    A Stitch in Time by Justin Case
    A Trip to the Dentist by Yin Pain
    A Whole Lot of Cats by Kitten Caboodle
    Admitting Defeat? by Ira Fuse
    Allegiance to the King by Neil Downe
    Almost Missed the Bus by Justin Time
    Ambush! by May Bea Surprised
    An Italian Without Funds by Noah Money
    And the Other People by Allan D. Sundry
    Animal Illnesses by Ann Thrax
    April Fool! by Sue Prize
    Are You Hungry? by Ava Banana
    Armed Heists by Robin Banks
    Artificial Clothing by Polly Ester
    Artificial Weightlessness by Auntie Gravity
    Assisting the Pianist by Page Turner
    Athletic Wear by Jim Shorts
    Bad Loss by Goodwin
    Beekeeping by A. P. Arry
    Being a Defense Attorney by Freida Convict
    Being A Doctor by I. Fixx-Peeple
    Being A Russian Deliveryman by I. Dropemoff
    Being Incompetent by Hal Fast
    Big Fart! by Hugh Jass
    Bleak Outlook by O. Noh
    Breaking the Law by Kermit A. Krime
    Candle-Vaulting by Jack B. Nimble
    Car Crashes by I. C. Rhodes
    Chest Congestion by I. Koffalott
    Christmas for Baldies by Yule Brynner
    Christmas Music by Carol Singers
    Cloning by Irma Dubble II
    Come on in! by Doris Open
    Computers for Dummies by P.C. Lerner
    Cooking Beef by Stu Potts
    Cooking Spaghetti by Al Dente
    Covered Walkways by R. Kades
    Crocodile Dundee by Ali Gator
    Cry Wolf by Al Armist
    Daddy are We There Yet? by Miles Away
    Danger! by Luke Out
    Death of a Watermelon by S. Platt
    Deer Hunting by Buck Schott
    Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Camel
    Downpour! by Wayne Dwops
    GotRDid likes this.
  17. blackwidowp61


    Dec 6, 2017
    Droopy-Drawers, by Lucy Lastic
    Early Native American Shelters by T.P. Hutt
    Ecclesiastical Infractions by Cardinal Sinz
    Emergency Housing by Rufus Quick
    Equine Leg Cramps by Charlie Horses
    Errors and Accidents by Miss Takes and Miss Haps
    Everything’s In Focus by I.C. Clerly
    Exercising on Wheels by Cy Kling
    Exotic Irish Plants by Phil O'Dendron
    Falling Trees by Tim Burr
    Floating in the North Atlantic by I. C. E. Berg
    Flogging in the Army by Corporal Punishment
    Foot Problems of Big Lumberjacks by Paul Bunion
    French Overpopulation by Francis Crowded
    Full Moon by Seymour Buns
    Gambling by Monty Carlo
    Genetic Engineering by Gene Splicing
    Gesundheit by A. Chu
    Get Moving by Sheik Alegg
    Get Out There! by Sally Forth
    Girl on a Budget by Penny Pincher
    Going Grocery Shopping By I. Gotta-Lyst
    Golly Gosh! by G. Whiz
    Good Works by Ben Evolent
    Goofing Around by Lucy Goosy
    Grave Mistakes by Paul Bearer
    Gunslingers with Gas by Wyatt Urp
    He Disappeared! by Otto Sight
    Hot Dog! by Frank Furter
    Housework by Dustin Cook
    How I Got Sick by Mike Robes
    How to Annoy by Aunt Agonize
    How to Cut Grass by Lon Moore
    How to Keep Fit by Jim Nasticks
    Hypnotism by N. Tranced
    I Didn't Do It! by Ivan Alibi
    I Hate Fighting by Boris Hell
    I Hate the Sun by Gladys Knight
    I Like Fish by Ann Chovie
    I Like Liquor by Ethyl Alcohol
    I Like Weeding Gardens by Manuel Labour
    I Lived in Detroit by Helen Earth
    I Lost My Balance by Eileen Dover and Fel Down
    I Love Crowds by Morris Merrier
    I Love Fractions by Lois D. Nominator
    I Love Mathematics by Adam Up
    I Love Wills by Benny Fishery
    I Must Fix the Car! by Otto Doit
    I Need Insurance by Justin Case
    I Say So! by Frank O. Pinion
    GotRDid likes this.
  18. blackwidowp61


    Dec 6, 2017
    I Was a Cloakroom Attendant by Mahatma Coate
    I Win! by U. Lose
    I Work with Gems by Jules Sparkle
    If I Invited Him... by Woody Kum
    I'll Go Second, by Hugo First
    I'm Fine by Howard Yu
    I'm In Trouble Again by O. Crapp
    Irish Flooring by Lynn O'Leum
    Is O.J. Guilty by Howard I. Know
    It's a Holdup by Sue Spenders
    It's a Shocker by Alec Tricity
    It's Magic! by Sven Gali
    It's Unfair! by Y. Me
    Kangaroo Illnesses by Marcus Wallaby, M.D.
    Keep Going! By Todd L. A. Long
    Keep On Trying by Percy Veer
    Laundry Soap by Armand Hammer
    Lawyers and Suffering by Grin and Barrett
    Learning to Fast Draw by Eubie Quick
    Leo Tolstoy by Warren Peace
    Let's Do it Now! by Igor Beaver
    Life in Chicago by Wendy City
    Looking for Excitement by I. M. Board
    Los Angeles Pachyderms by L.A. Funt
    Lots of Excitement by Hugh N. Cry
    Making A Living by Robin Banks
    Maritime Disasters by Andrea Doria
    May Flowers by April Showers
    Mensa Man by Gene Yuss
    Mexican Revenge by Monty Zuma
    Military Defeats by Major Disaster and General Mayhem
    Military Rule by Marshall Law
    Mineralogy for Giants by Chris Tall
    Modern Tree Watches by Anna Log
    Monkey Shines by Babs Boone
    More for Your Money by Max Amize
    Mosquito Bites by Ivan Itch
    Mountain Climbing by Andover Hand
    Music of the Sea by Lawrence Whelk
    Musical Gunfighters by The Okay Chorale
    My Lost Causes by Noah Veil
    No Ethics by I. M. Morel
    Noise is Forbidden! by Nada Loud
    Off To Market by Tobias A. Pigg
    Outdoor Activities by Alf Resco
    Overweight Vegetables by O. Bees
    Pain in My Body by Otis Leghurts
    Pain Relief by Ann L. Gesick
    Parachuting by Hugo First
    Perverted Mushrooms by M. Morel
    GotRDid likes this.
  19. blackwidowp61


    Dec 6, 2017
    Planning an Escape by Isadore There
    Poetry in Baseball by Homer
    Poor Housekeeping by Lottie Dust
    Procrastinating by I. May Doolittle
    Pull With All You've Got! by Eve Ho
    Rating Fast Food by Judge Berger
    Red Vegetables by Bea Troot
    Robots by Anne Droid
    Rusty Springs by I.P. Knightly
    Sea Birds by Al Batross
    Senior Citizens by Jerry Attricks
    Serving Drinks by Bart Enders
    Ship Mysteries by Marie Celeste
    Size Matters by Iva Biggun
    Smart Beer Making by Bud Wiser
    Smash Her Lobster! by Buster Crabbe
    Snakes of the World by Anna Conda
    Soak Your Ex-Husband by Ali Money
    Songs from 'South Pacific' by Sam and Janet Evening
    Spots On the Great Wall by Wu Flung Pu Ill. By Wu Flung Dung
    Stop Arguing by Xavier Breath
    String Instruments by Viola Player
    Successful Realtors by Wee Listem-Wright
    Surprised! by Omar Gosh
    Taking on Water by Lee King
    Taking The Back Trails by Dusty Rhodes
    Teach Me! by I. Wanda Know
    Terrible Doctor by Ima Quack
    The Effects of Alcohol by Sir Osis of Liver
    The Industrial Revolution by Otto Mattick
    The Joys of Pig Farming by Chris P. Bacon
    The Lion Attacked by Claude Anarmoff
    The Modern Battery by Eva Ready
    The Unknown Rodent by A. Nonny Mouse
    The Yellow River by I. P. Freely
    Theft and Robbery by Andi Tover
    They Caught Me by I. B. Steeling
    Those Funny Dogs by Joe Kur
    Tiger’s Revenge by Claude Balz
    Tis The Season by Mary Christmas
    Tools of the Trade by Iva Hammer
    Traffic Jam By Leanona Horn
    Travelling Incognito by Ima Nonymous
    Tug of War by Paul Hard
    Two Thousand Pounds by Juan Ton
    Tyrant of the Potatoes by Dick Tater
    Under the Bleachers by Seymour Butz
    Unsolved Mysteries by N. Igmas
    Victor Hugo by Les Miserables
    Webster's Words by Dick Shunnary
    GotRDid likes this.
  20. blackwidowp61


    Dec 6, 2017
    Whatchamacallit! by Thingum A. Bob
    What's That? by Elle F. Ino
    Where Are We? by Hu Noes
    Where to Find Islands by Archie Pelago
    Who Killed Cock Robin? by Howard I. Know
    Why Cars Stop by M.T. Tank
    Winning the Races by Victor Reese
    Without Warning by Oliver Sudden
    World Class Target Shooter by Ima Crack-Schott
    Yellow River by I.P. Daly
    You Want Me To Do What? by Shirley U. Jest
    Your Dream House by Bill Jerome Holme
    You're a Bundle of Laughs by Vera Funny
    GotRDid likes this.
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